Spike the Snob
by thatdragonwiththetophat.com
Summary: A parody review series of "The Cinema Snob." Spike discusses certain Fanfiction Authors and even other Critics, and picks apart their stories, personalities, and reoccurring trends in their work.
1. Chapter 1

A young purple dragon stood watching a ferret and a little fox walk out of Sugarcube Corner and into a portal. His arms were folded, and his claws were drumming on his arms.

"Hmmmmm…," he said thoughtfully.

* * *

_Look at what's happened to me,  
I can't believe it myself.  
Suddenly I'm up on top of the world,  
It should've been somebody else._

* * *

The dragon smoothly slipped into a black tuxedo, thrusting his arms through the sleeves as if he were punching.

* * *

_Believe it or not,_  
_I'm walking on air._  
_I never thought I could feel so free-._  
_Flying away on a wing and a prayer._  
_Who could it be?_  
_Believe it or not it's just me._

* * *

The dragon tied a bright red bowtie around his neck very neatly.

* * *

_It's like a light of a new day-,_  
_It came from out of the blue._  
_Breaking me out of the spell I was in,_  
_Making all of my wishes come true-._

* * *

The dragon took out a black and gold walking stick and spun it around in his claws. He then put on a big, elegant top hat.

* * *

_Believe it or not,_  
_I'm walking on air._  
_I never thought I could feel so free-._  
_Flying away on a wing and a prayer._  
_Who could it be?_  
_Believe it or not it's just me._

* * *

**Spike the Snob**

**Episode 1- Ryu Taylor the Ferret's MLP Review**

Spike sat down in a comfortable looking chair in the Friendship Castle. There were plenty of books around him, and a bowl of gems on a nearby table.

"Hello everyone," the dragon said with a smile and a wave, "I'm Spike, and I'm here with a new review series for . Now, there are _a lot_ of reviewers on right now. Mostly because of Matthais Unidostres and _Keldeo the Critic. _So, I knew if I want to stand out and not get lost in the crowd, I had to do something different."

Spike stood up suddenly and tapped the side of his head with his walking stick. "And that's when it hit me! I could review _the Critics and Authors_! I could talk about their good points, bad points, success stories, and huge mistakes! Everyone would want to read that! I'd get hundreds of hits!"

Spike sat back down and folded his claws. "So, I just needed to figure out who to do first. I considered doing Matthais Unidostres, since he seems to be the first Critic. But then, Equestria got a certain . . . visitor. . ."

Spike took a long deep breath. He rubbed his temples and said, "Okay. If you are, like, a _fan _of Ryu Taylor, then you're not gonna like what I have to say about him. But you know what? There's a 'close tab' button. There's also a 'close window' button. There's also a 'back' button. So yeah, that was my disclaimer."

Spike sat up straight. "So, yeah, you see, Ryu Taylor, a ferret from Littlest Pet Shop, visited Ponyville recently. You see, Zorua from _Zorua Reviews _found out that Ryu didn't like MLP, so he decided to bring him through a portal to Equestria. How? I don't know, but that's not really important. Now, Ryu's review series _usually _takes the form of journal entries. Which makes sense, cause the series is called _Ryu Taylor's Journal. _His previous reviews included _Sailor Moon _and _Duck Tales._ They were good. But his _Friendship is Magic _review was different. _Waaaaaaaaay _different."

Spike began breathing heavily, gripping his walking stick tightly. His face turned red slightly as he shut his eyes tightly. The golden bulb on the top of the stick glowed red slightly from the heat Spike was giving off. He opened his eyes and said, "Now, even before we get to the horribleness of this _'review'_," Spike made quotations marks with his fingers, "Anyone following this purple rat should realize something. Here's an excerpt from the story that introduces Ryu: _Ryu's First Day._

* * *

_Mrs. Twombly showed Ryu to the Day Camp room. "Here's where the Day Campers have their fun," she said. "Stay out of trouble, dear." She left the Day Camp room to resume reorganizing the food._

_Ryu looked at the other Day Campers staring back at him. They had never seen anything like him before._

_"Who styled that ferret's hair like that?" asked out loud a purple Cavalier King Charles Spaniel with a pink streak in her hair._

_"Zoe, don't scare the new Camper," scolded a light-brown hedgehog who approached him. "Hello, there. Welcome to the Littlest Pet Shop Day Camp. My name is Russell Ferguson." He handed Ryu a clipboard that had paper attached to it. "For any newcomers entering the Day Camp for the first time, I've prepared this handy questionnaire as a 'get to know you better' procedure."_

_Ryu took the clipboard rather forcefully from Russell. He then took out the device he came in with and removed a small stylus from it. With the stylus, he poked a small hole in the paper and dragged the stylus all over the paper, ripping it to shreds. Everyone was shocked. Ryu took this chance to snag a cushion, and soon fell asleep on it._

* * *

"But wait! There's more! Check out these flashbacks from the beginning of his MLP _'review'_," Spike said.

* * *

_"So how are you going to help me?" Ryu asked Zorua._

_"Well, we're going to go to Equestria, of course!" Zorua responded happily._

_Ryu was already less than enthusiastic, but hearing the little Pokémon say those words brought his mood down even more._

_"I see. Then you aren't interested in my well-being after all," Ryu said in a conclusive manner. "You can go home now. You just rescinded the right to speak to me."_

_"But this is what I'm talking about. Whenever somebody even mentions anything about the show to you, you do exactly this kind of stuff."_

_Zorua's words brought a few memories back to Ryu, such as the time he popped Zoe's favorite chew toy just because she happened to utter the word "fabulous" within his earshot. And there was also the time he tossed Russell's checklist out into the street just as a cross-country bus drove by just because he mentioned having to double-check the list after having triple-checked it. There was also certainly no forgetting the time he knocked the TV over just because a commercial just so happened to have said the word "Pony."_

* * *

Spike nodded. "So, as you can see, Ryu Taylor the Ferret . . . wait for it . . . IS AN ASSHOLE!"

Spike began counting off on his claws, "I mean, he doesn't listen to anyone, he's not very nice, he treats everyone around him like trash, and he only cares about himself! And, okay, he _did_ write an apology letter for ripping up that questionnaire like a lunatic."

* * *

_"Skin allergies? Your quills. Just kidding; I don't have allergies.__  
__Athletic endeavors? You'll see next time I visit.__  
__Name? Ryusei Taylor. Call me Ryu for short.__  
__Any additional comments? I think you should have made copies of the master questionnaire, instead of copying a hastily hand-made backup taken straight from whatever occasion you wrote this copy during. I really thought an organized guy like you could do better. But anyway, I like you Campers. I'm looking forward to playing with you all tomorrow. And two more things; Russell, sorry about tearing up your original questionnaire. I just didn't want that many questions unloaded on me from the get-go. And second; yes, I'm male. See you all tomorrow!"_

* * *

"But even the apology is mean! It's like he thinks he's so much better that they should be honored by his tongue in cheek apology. He even kinda blames Russell 'unloading too many questions on him.' And would it have killed him to apologize face to face?"

Spike grabbed some gems from the nearby table and chowed down on a few of them. "Alright, so what's wrong with his MLP review?" Spike frowned, "What's right with his MLP review, that's the shorter answer! As I said before, instead of reviewing it in a journal entry, Zorua takes him on a field trip to Ponyville to actually meet Twilight and my other pony friends. Now, instead of going through the whole trip, I think we can get the basic gist of the 'review' by reading the climax that happens at the party Pinkie Pie threw for him."

* * *

_Ryu stared at the purple alicorn for a second and said, "Maybe you and your no-good friends should get out of my sight now."_

_"We're not going anywhere until you explain yourself," Twilight said assertively. "There is no cause for you to behave so coldly to us."_

_"Actually, there are many reasons," Ryu said. "For starters Twilight, you are no hero of any kind. Your story just designates you as one, when you're really just a tool for another princess. But I could've looked past that if it weren't for how much of a know-nothing-know-it-all pretentious hussy you are. What did you do when Spike, the hero of the Crystal Empire, was snubbed by Cadance for an invitation to greet Ms. Harshwhinny? You stood there and didn't even attempt to convince her otherwise. What did you do when you were gossiped about by the three girls calling themselves Gabby Gums? You force-fielded them out of your library. What did you tell those same three girls when their stage routine fell apart? You told them to never try anything new. And do I even need to bring up the Mare Do Well incident? What else do I need to say, Twilight Sparkle?! I hate you completely, and will until my last breath!"_

_"Hey, back off!" Rainbow Dash said, sticking up for Twilight. "This is also the pony who helped save Equestria many times! How can you hate a hero so much?!"_

_"She's no hero to me. And neither are the rest of you. Rainbow Dash, your rap sheet is also huge. Dropping rain on me was a bit much, but at least I provoked you. But did the Cutie Mark Crusaders? Just for gossiping about you? I don't think so. There was also your heckling of Trixie just because she bragged, something you make a daily ritual out of. Oh and that goes for you, too, Applejack. Then there was your stalking of a celebrity. And finally, your willingness to sell your friend for a book. There is no justification for such an action. To me, Rainbow Dash, your heart is a dark substance.  
"Applejack, your smug insistence that your near-loss of Sweet Apple Acres taught you nothing irked me unbelievably.  
"Fluttershy, keeping a Parasprite despite knowing what it could do, siding with the bats that could've destroyed Sweet Apple Acres, which need I remind you is Applejack's life income, and also refusing to see the dragon migration despite that you forced Rainbow Dash to see a butterfly migration. Off the top of my head, those are the actions of yours that caused you to earn my utter hatred.  
"Rarity, you greedy contradiction to your element, prioritizing of your brief Canterlot social status on Twilight's birthday, and guilting Spike into giving you a Fire Ruby, all of those and more make you undeserving of any of my respect.  
"And finally, you, Pinkie Pie. The words I am about to say to you can't completely convey how much I abhor you, but here goes anyway. You are a thoroughly insensitive, hyperactive, and immature woman-child. Pestering an old donkey for friendship and an apology, causing Appleoosa to be attacked by buffalo just when the conflict seemed to be averted, ruining all of Luna's attempts to make friends on Nightmare Night and claiming it was all in the name of fun, being of no help with the parasprite problem until it was too late to save Ponyville from them, buying up just enough cider to make Rainbow Dash the first customer to be told the faucet was empty and then bragging about the taste of what you deprived her of, and bullying Fluttershy to almost a nervous breakdown during her tenure in the Ponytones. Those are things a bully does. You are no friend, Pinkamena Diane Pie. You are a bully.  
"But you know what? I could have forgiven all of that, were it not for one simple thing. Looking back, it was clear from the beginning how shallow all of you are. None of you ever were that interesting, but you were all nearly immediately infuriating. So you had just made friends with a once lonely unicorn during an adventure to save the land from a jealous princess. What do you do soon after? Try to bribe a Grand Galloping Gala ticket from her, of course! Yes, indeed, because when a dear friend of yours has a connection to royalty, you seek to exploit it not even a week since you know the one with the connection! In fact, I brought this with me just for all of you!"_

_Ryu then took his water pouch out of his pocket and bent the water out of it to form a small water stream. He spun it around to make it slap each of the six ponies in the face. He then let the water splash down onto the floor._

_"The bottom line is, you are all thoroughly despicable vessels used to tell a horribly crafted story. It's impossible for me to want anything good to happen to all of you complete bitches. And when my opinion of protagonists goes down so low that I legitimately want your enemies to kill all of you and conquer your world, then that's a story I refuse to follow! As far as I'm concerned, your story is over!" Ryu had finally poured his feelings out. With no further business left in Equestria, he left Sugarcube Corner and approached the portal._

* * *

Spike looked as if he was about to snap his walking stick in half. He eventually dropped it, and then loosened his bow tie a bit.

"So . . . what kind of guy is Ryu Taylor?" Spike smiled and threw up his arms, "He's a self entitled little egomaniac! He just thinks he's the greatest being in the universe and if you don't like him or if he doesn't like you he'll slander your name and slap you in the face because he's Waterbending Ryu Taylor!"

"Ryu! Your Pokémon Mystery Dungeon fanfics were awesome! Your journal entry reviews were cool too. _But you ain't got the __**talent **__for a "Ryu Taylor the Ferret Reviewer" style series! _You don't have the talent for a face to face review series of this style! What're you gonna do, are you gonna drag Sunil along and have him agree with everything you say?" Spike stopped and scratched his chin, "You, Sunil _is _a wuss, so he probably would."

Spike rubbed his forehead, and then he said, "And I'm not being unfair by focusing on the climax of his _'review'_, because all Ryu does in this _'review'_ is insult the Mane Six and tell them how horrible they all are! That's _all _he does. Nothing else. _Nothing._"

Spike then leaned forward and said, "Alright . . . jerk, cause that's what you are. A fat jerk. You are making _my friends _look like a bunch of selfish, idiot, losers! I mean, I get that you dislike the show, but come on, is that really the extent of your imagination, Ryu. Is that _really _the wide range of tactics you can use to attack a popular show? Just . . . a bunch of _'The Reason You Suck' Speeches_? Is that all you got?"

Spike leaned back and folded his claws on his knee. "You do realize that the _rag_ you wrote was not a review. In a review, you're supposed talk about the storyline, the morals, the comedy, the action. All he does is go around and _insult my friends! _That's not a review! That's a rant! When you review something, you have to break all its elements apart and weigh out the good and bad. You can't just focus on everyone's bad points and not talk about anything else. That's lazy, and it sucks."

Spike smiled, "You know what I'm gonna do? I'm going to borrow your logic for a moment. The logic that says if a character isn't perfect they're bad and worthless and _deserve to die_, and apply to a certain _other _show you happen to be a big fan of."

* * *

_A scene from __"Bato of the Water Tribe" plays._

_Aang looked down at the paper in his hands. _

"_It's the map to Katara and Sokka's dad," he said. He looked at it hard, and crumpled it up violently as he shut his eyes tightly._

* * *

"Okay then," Spike said with a smile, "Now, let's compare that to a scene from MLP that you ranted about. Like the scene where Rainbow Dash _'trades' _Fluttershy for a book. Hmmm, Dash regrets that decision after only about, hmmm, let me think, _one, two, three, four, five- FIVE! _Five seconds. And I don't even think she heard the book pony right anyway."

Spike then folded his arms confidently and said, "Now, let's see how long your selfish brat Airbender from you wannabe-Anime takes to regret his actions."

* * *

_The episode goes into fast motion to the sought for point._

* * *

"That's well into the next day!" Spike exclaimed, "This jerk actually was able to sleep well after what he did! Pinkie Pie was oblivious during the Ponytones incident, but this little bald brat is _completely aware _that he did something wrong and it takes him _24 HOURS _to realize, hey, maybe keeping your friends from their dad isn't very nice!"

Spike reached up and undid his bowtie completely. He tossed it aside and said, "Okay. Let me give you a crash course, or a _'reminder'_, as someone who's _clearly_ seen and objectively reviewed MLP, what these six ponies have done."

* * *

_**Twilight Sparkle**__: Oh, that's really sweet of you to offer, Rarity, but I can't let you do that. It would be so much work. This dress is fine. _

_**Rarity**__: Twilight Sparkle. I insist on making you a new dress. _

_**Twilight Sparkle**__: But... _

_**Rarity**__: Not another word! I won't take no for an answer. _

_**Twilight Sparkle**__: Well, in that case... Thank you for your generosity, Rarity_

_**Rarity**__: I'll make one for you and you and all of you. Oh! And of course Pinkie and Fluttershy too._

* * *

_**Rarity**__: You ponies did an amazing job. It's exactly the way I imagined it. _

_**Fluttershy**__: We just followed your brilliant design. _

_**Twilight Sparkle**__: Like we should have let you do for our outfits. Those first dresses you designed were perfect. _

_**Pinkie Pie**__: We're so super sorry. _

_**Rainbow Dash**__: You worked really hard to make our dresses exactly the way we wanted them. We all saw how well that turned out. _

_**Rarity**__: Oh, I forgive you._

* * *

_**Fluttershy**__: Please, your Highness. We all saw that Twilight was upset. _

_**Rainbow Dash**__: But we thought that the thing she was worrying about wasn't __worth__ worrying about. _

_**Applejack**__: So when she ran off all worked up, not a single one of us tried to stop her. _

_**Rarity**__: As Twilight's good friends, we __should__ have taken her feelings seriously and been there for her! _

_**Fluttershy**__: Please don't take her away from us just because we were too insensitive to help her._

* * *

_**Rainbow Dash**__: Hey, I'm gonna tell you something, but if you ever tell anypony else, I'm gonna deny it. First time I heard those stories... I was scared too. _

_**Scootaloo**__: You were? _

_**Rainbow Dash**__: Sure! I mean, I got over it because I realized pretty quick that if there __was__ such thing as a Headless Horse, I could totally take it on. So, you're looking for somepony to take you under their wing, huh? _

_**Scootaloo**__: Mm-hmm. _

_**Rainbow Dash**__: Yeah, I might be up for something like that. _

_**Scootaloo**__: __Really__? _

_**Rainbow Dash**__: As long as you don't go falling into any more rivers in the middle of the night. _

_**Scootaloo**__: It's a deal!_

* * *

_**Apple Bloom**__: Well, there ain't gonna be a Scootaloo. _

_**Sweetie Belle**__: She's staying home. _

_**Rainbow Dash**__: She's __what__?! _

_**Apple Bloom**__: She got it in her head that the only way to represent Ponyville was by flyin' in our routine! When she couldn't do it, she told us that she was quittin'. _

_**Rainbow Dash**__: And then you tried to stop her from doing that, right? _

_**Sweetie Belle**__: Well, actually, we kinda told her... _

_**Apple Bloom**__: ...uh, that we didn't want a quitter. _

_**Rainbow Dash**__: Hang on. Are you __nuts__?! You're a team, and a team never leaves a friend behind!_

* * *

_**Scootaloo**__: But flying's what Pegasus ponies are __supposed__ to do! You flew when you carried the flag in the games! _

_**Rainbow Dash**__: But that was me! You're you! And it just doesn't matter if you can fly or not. Your routine was amazing 'cause it represented exactly what makes Ponyville special. You __do__ still know what that is, right? _

_**Scootaloo**__: But Rainbow Dash... what if... what if my wings never grow? What if I never fly? _

_**Rainbow Dash**__: Listen, Scootaloo. Maybe you'll fly someday, or maybe you won't. You're all kinds of awesome anyway. Who's the toughest little pony in town?_

* * *

_**Applejack**__: __If you take your time to do things the right way, your work will speak for itself. Sure I could tell you I learned something about how my friends are always there to help me, and I can count on them no matter what, but truth is, I knew that already too._

* * *

_**Pinkie Pie**__: No. I'm sorry I let my pride get in the way of you having the best birth-iversary ever. Cheese Sandwich really is a super duper party planner, and he'll be a terrific headliner. I should've been a big enough pony to admit that and let you have your day. _

_**Rainbow Dash**__: But don't you get it? You're both super duper party ponies. Sure, Cheese Sandwich is a great guest party pony, but you're Ponyville's permanent party pony. Nopony could ever take your place, and we could never have a party without you._

* * *

_**Fluttershy**__: The vampire bats don't eat the seeds of the apples, and when they spit them out, they grow into even more productive apple trees!_

* * *

Spike chuckled in an unstable manner as he snorted and wiped his nose, "Wait, I'm not done. Now, you obliviously really like the show _Littlest Pet Shop_, seeing as you hang out at Littlest Pet Shop with the Littlest Pet Shop Pets. Alrighty then. Let's see what _those _characters are like."

* * *

_Pepper Clark hurts everyone with insult comedy and makes Penny Ling cry._

_Vinnie viciously insults Sunil's magic skills._

_Pepper and Zoe bicker endlessly while trapped inside the dumbwaiter._

_Pepper and Zoe fight during Penny Ling's "One Year Pet Shop Daycare Anniversary Party"_

_Penny Ling throws a tantrum, stomps on Vinnie's tail, and rips a chair in half._

_Everyone greedily pressures Minka to paint pictures for them to sell to the point that she has a mental breakdown._

_Russell throws a series of dangerous objects, including a working chainsaw, at Pepper Clark to juggle, and then blows a horn, causing her to drop everything and nearly get chainsawed in half._

* * *

"Wow, what a bunch of losers!" Spike exclaims. "Now, let's go back to my pony friends who you insulted. Let's just check out what these girls can do as a team."

* * *

_The Mane Six blasts Nightmare Moon, Discord, and Lord Tirek with the Elements of Harmony._

_They make a huge tower of cider barrels during the competition against the Flim Flam Brothers._

_Everyone helps each other get their Cutie Marks back during Magical Mystery Cure._

_The Mane Six fight off __**an army of Changelings **__with magic and bare hooves. Fluttershy even manages to trick a few Changelings by cleverly pretending to be one. There's an awesome Power Puff Girl action scene that ends with a triumphant pose._

* * *

"Okay," Spike said with a nod, "Now, let's see what, uh, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven... SEVEN! _('Eight counting Blythe, but who's counting') _Seven of your Looser Pet Shop Pets from your piece of garbage show could accomplish."

* * *

_Scenes of the episode "Books and Covers" play._

_Scout Kerry the cat easily outwits the pets as they keep bugging her, and she leaves them all laid out on the floor or smashed into walls. Minka falls off a building, and Scout just jumps on Sunil head._

_They try to catch the Siamese cat with a fishing pole, but that just ends up sending them flying into a wall._

* * *

_Scenes of the episode "Gailbreak" play._

_Vinnie and Pepper fall over each other and get caught and put in cages._

_Minka gets tricked and caught too._

_Zoe starts randomly singing and jumping around Largest Ever Pet Shop, and she runs right into the robot and is caught._

_Sunil randomly attacks pet food and swings pet toys around._

* * *

Spike was about ready to burst with laughter, "Now, just as a friendly reminder, this is what a certain _side character_ could do in that...other show you claim is just terrible."

* * *

_Maud Pie runs through the obstacle course, puts a helmet on, and jumps up to the boulder about to fall on Pinkie Pie. Maud then __**pounds the massive rock into dust in a manner of seconds.**_

* * *

"THAT WAS EARTHBENDING! SHE JUST EARHTBENDED! MAUD PIE-," Spike clapped slams the arms of his chair and claps his claws for emphasis, _**"EARTHBENDER!"**_

Spike cocked his head to the side in confusion and asked, "And . . . _what did your pussies do again?_"

* * *

_They try to catch the Siamese cat with a fishing pole, but that just ends up sending them flying into a wall._

* * *

"Your version."

* * *

_They try to catch the Siamese cat with a fishing pole, but that just ends up sending them flying into a wall._

* * *

"Theirs!"

* * *

_Maud then __**pounds the massive rock into dust in a manner of seconds.**_

* * *

"Your version."

* * *

_They try to catch the Siamese cat with a fishing pole, but that just ends up sending them flying into a wall._

* * *

"Theirs!"

* * *

_Maud then __**pounds the massive rock into dust in a manner of seconds.**_

* * *

"Your version."

* * *

_They fly into a wall._

* * *

"Theirs!"

* * *

_Maud then __**pounds the massive rock into dust.**_

* * *

"Your version."

* * *

_They fly into a wall._

* * *

"Theirs!"

* * *

_Maud then __**pounds the massive rock into dust.**_

* * *

_**"WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU!?" **_Spike roared, flames shooting out of his mouth. He took a few deep breaths, and then he said, "Can you just not comprehend _character development_? Do you just not understand the way characters are meant to be dynamic, with _flaws and imperfections_ that make them realistic and give them something they're meant to overcome? I mean, what is your major _malfunction_, you..." Spike made motions with his claws in an attempt to find the right words to express his disgust, ". . _. Oppressor of effort and good? _What is going on in your head? Please! Contact me! Let me know! Let me know what in the name of holy guacamole has caused you to become so spiteful, when my friends were practically gift-wrapped for you by Lauren Faust herself as she screamed at the top of her lungs, _'These girls are relatable! These girls are relatable!_ Please! Get in contact with me! Get in con—."

Suddenly, there was huge burst of smoke within the room. The smoke faded, revealing a man dressed in the clothing a mask Amon wore in _The Legend of Korra._

"AHH!" Spike exclaimed, "Who are you?"

"Greetings. I am Shyamalan," the man said in a monotone voice, "I heard that you were... disappointed by Ryu Taylor's review of _My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic_. Well, I'm here to tell you that my power to destroy great art can be used to get revenge on him. For you see, I have discovered how to create a portal into the world of my live action theatrical production of _The Last Airbender._"

Spike gasped, "You're bluffing!"

Shyamalanwaved his hands, and a portal appeared. It showed a group of Earthbenders dancing around, causing a small rock to float by. Another Earthbender knocked it through the portal, where it landed on the floor in front of spike and crumbled to dust.

"AH!" Spike exclaimed in shock, "You've mastered the art of Cannonbending!"

"I plan to use this power to destroy Ryu Taylor the Ferret once and for all. How, you may ask? I plan on trapping Ryu inside that world, forcing her to watch and review my movie," Shyamalan declared.

Spike's jaw dropped. "That's cruel and unusual!" Then Spike smiled, his serpentine tongue snaking out as he blinked his nictitating membranes. "I like it . . ."

"Rest assured, Spike the Dragon. This Avatar fan boy will be destroyed forever once he experiences the 'Shyamalized' _Last Airbender_. I will suck out what little talent he had to begin with."

Suddenly, Spike looked at Shyamalan suspiciously. "Wait a minute. Why exactly are you doing this anyway? It's not like you're a Brony or anything."

"I have no respect for the franchise or its fans. I do not tolerate people who hate my film as they cling to their little cartoon. Therefore, crushing Ryu Taylor will bring me great satisfaction."

"So . . . you'll help me pay Ryu back for how he treated all my friends, and you don't want anything from me?" Spike asked suspiciously.

"Well . . ."

"Well what?" Spike asked.

Shyamalan pointed at Spike's outfit. "You need to look the part."

Spike blinked, then he smiled knowingly. "Oh, I get it! Be right back!"

Spike darted out of the room, and came back in his Dastardly Whiplash outfit from _"Owls Well that Ends Well"_, complete with black cloak, black top hat, and black evil mustache. He twirled his mustache and said, "Your move, Ryu! _Mwah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-haaaaaaaa_!"

* * *

_**Author's Note: **__Yeah, just in case you didn't catch that, Ryu, __**this was a challenge**__. So yeah, show me you have the guts. Review the movie. I'm sure you've seen it. If you haven't, then you can see it for free on the Solar Movie website._

* * *

_**(This was a parody of "The Cinema Snob" and "The Nostalgia Critic" on That Guy With The Glasses)**_


	2. Chapter 2

Spike sat in his chair. He was no longer wearing his "Spikely Whiplash" outfit, and was back in his Spike the Snob outfit. He looked slightly annoyed.

"Hi everypony," he said dejectedly, "As you know, I attempted to get revenge on Ryu Taylor the Ferret for insulting my pony friends. I teamed up with M. Night Shyamalan to make him watch his live action adaptation of _Avatar: The Last Airbender."_

Spike sighed.

"It didn't work," he said, "Ryu wasn't bothered at all by the movie. But I'm getting ahead of myself. Now, hopefully you already read Ryu's recent chapters. He reviewed his precious Avatar show, for Keldeo the Critic no less. Yes, _THE Keldeo the Critic. _I met him in the inter-dimensional space thingy that Shyamalan brought me through."

Spike scratched his head with one eye raised. "I still kinda don't understand it. Maybe Twilight could-" Spike shook his head, "Ah, never mind. Anyway, Ryu went on a _HUUUUUUUUGE _tangent on the back-story of her precious show. Holy guacamole, it was like reading one of Twilight's thesis papers! Anyway, when she got to the actual show, it all boiled down to this: _'The Avatar main characters have fewer flaws than the Mane Six, and that the Mane Six keep having to overcome them or develop more flaws._'"

Spike face clawed.

"THAT'S REAL LIFE!" he shouted, "In real life, people have their own unique flaws, and they cannot eliminate all their flaws completely! No one can! They have to live with their imperfections and try to lesson their effect, while building up their good points. The fact that the Avatar characters don't really have deep flaws makes them flat, boring, and fake. Ryu! Are you nuts!?"

Spike sighed.

"And Keldeo actually fell for all that garbage! I'm kinda disappointed actually. And what made things worse was when Ryu just watched the live action movie and said, _'It's just a movie, it doesn't bother me.'" _

"I WANTED HIM TO **_REVIEW _**IT!"

Spike stopped and rubbed his chin, "But then again, maybe it would have been just a rewrite of everything the Nostalgia Critic said. Btu she still should have _tried _to give her own unique take."

Spike stared at the walking stick in his claws in thought for a moment. Then he said, "But you know, I don't think I should keep this feud going. I still think Ryu was pretty arrogant. REALLY ARROGANT. But he was kinda nice. And if he doesn't like my friends. . ."

Spike looked up and said sadly, " . . .I guess it's fine. He can go and enjoy his Avatar show. I'll leave him to do his own thing, I guess. And hey, eh said he'd adjust his attitude, so that's something. So maybe I did some good after all . . ."

Spike smiled a bit, "Yeah . . . yeah I feel better already. I mean, I didn't hunt down Gilda after what she did, so maybe I should just let things go. Yup, no more revenge plots for me."

Spike's smile slid off his face and fell into a grumpy frown. He then hardened his gaze and clutched the stick tightly. The metal top of it began to glow red with heat.

"But I will not take back the final challenge I left him at the end of his FAKE movie review. Ryu _**will **_one day see something that will destroy him! I promise you all that!"

The top of the staff shattered and pieces of warm metal clattered all over the floor.

Spike's left eye twitched. He frowned and said, "Well, after I get a new walking stick, I'll talk about an author called _**SilverDawn2010. **_Then maybe I'll tackle another critic. Maybe _**Mr Grool **_or _**DragonNiro**_ . . ."


	3. Chapter 3

Spike and Button Mash were playing Super Smash Brothers on 3DS.

"Game!" the anouncer said, "The winner is: LARRY!"

"YEAH!" Spike shouted.

"I shouldn't have chosen R.O.B.," Button muttered.

"And that's what _I_ like to call: _Super Smash Mouth Bros.!" _Spike declared triumphantly.

* * *

_Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me_  
_I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed_  
_She was looking kind of dumb, with her finger and her thumb_  
_In the shape of an 'L' on her forehead_

* * *

The dragon smoothly slipped into a black tuxedo, thrusting his arms through the sleeves as if he were punching.

* * *

_Well, the years start coming and they don't stop coming_  
_Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running_  
_Didn't make sense, not to live for fun_  
_Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb_

* * *

The dragon tied a bright red bowtie around his neck very neatly.

* * *

_So much to do, so much to see_  
_So what's wrong with taking the back streets_  
_You'll never know if you don't go_  
_You'll never shine if you don't glow_

* * *

The dragon took out a black and gold walking stick and spun it around in his claws. He then put on a big, elegant top hat.

* * *

_Hey now, you're an All Star, get your game on, go play_  
_Hey now, you're a Rock Star, get the show on, get paid_  
_And all that glitters is gold_  
_Only shooting stars break the mold, Only shooting stars break the mold_

_And all that glitters is gold_  
_Only shooting stars break the mold, Only shooting stars break the mold_

* * *

**Spike the Snob**

**Episode 2- SilverDawn2010**

Spike sat down in a comfortable looking chair in the Friendship Castle. There were plenty of books around him, and a bowl of gems on a nearby table.

"Hi there! Long time, no see!" Spike said with a smile, "Yeah, I needed a break after the whole Ryu Taylor thing. I had a great Hearths Warming Eve, and New Years Eve was awesome! I got a kiss from Rarity!"

Hearts appeared in his eyes for a moment, but then he shook himself out of it and chuckled, "Heh-heh-heh. Alright then. Now, to my Author Review of _SilverDawn2010_! A Christian Sonic the Hedgehog fan who has written a bunch of really good Sonamy fanfics."

Spike sighed and turned thoughtful. "You know, I can really relate to Amy. She loves Sonic, but she has a bit of trouble getting things started between them. But Sonic _does _care about here, like how Rarity cares about me. And I'm pretty sure if Amy and I keep at it, we'll be going steady with our crushes in no time! Yeah!"

Spike nodded resolutely, "Alright, so now, back to SilverDawn. Now, unlike, let's say, _Jack Storm 448 _or _AuraWielder, _SilverDawn doesn't normaly put actual religion into her stories. Sure, they have some general religious themes, but she doesn't, like, mention Jesus or have Sonic or Amy kneel down and pray. How do I feel about that?"

Spike scratched his chin, "Well, on one claw, this opens up her stories to a wider audience who may not be as religious or are just not Christians. But on the other claw, having characters express some kind of faith gives them depth and something they can hang on to in times in tragedy."

Spike shrugged, "Personally, I don't really care as long as the stories are good."

Spike folded his claws and said, "Now, about her stories. As I said, SilverDawn writes romance. REALLY good romance. Most of them are Sonic and Amy, but she also writes about Silver and Blaze, Cream and Tails (although she still likes Cosmo and Tails), Knuckles and Rouge, Jet and Wave, and Shadow and Tikal- WAIT WHAT!?"

Spike scratched his head, "How could you put Shadow and Tiakl together? They never even met! Tikal lived thousands of years ago and was sealed inside the Master Emerald along with Chaos until Sonic freed their spirits! I guess they have the whole "being sealed away for a long time thing" in common, and Chaos is kinda like the Biolizard, but what other chemistry do they have? Shadow is a dark, depressed loner who feels guilt for not protecting Maria. Tikal is a Chao loving girl who was disowned by her evil father and sacrificed herself to stop Chaos from destroying the world. My best guest is that Tikal reminds Shadow of Maria, so . . . yeah, there's that."

Spike shook the cobwebs out of his head, "Whatever. I'm sure those other fanfics are good, but I think we should focus on the Sonamy ones. Are they any good?"

Spike smiled as wide as the Grinch.

"They are THE BOMB!" Spike exclaimed.

Spike chuckled to himself, and then he said, "Okay, okay. SivlerDawn has two fanfiction BOMBSHELLS that are just amazing. The first one is _Head Over Heals._

* * *

**Head Over Heels**

"Oh, you have no idea how much it hurts...to completely give yourself to someone, and have them just ignore you in return..." Sonic's heart clenched at his own words, the irony suddenly washing over him, leaving him stupefied. "Actually, Sonic, I do..."

Sonic the Hedgehog - Rated: K+ - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 11 - Words: 45,340 - Reviews: 347 - Favs: 166 - Follows: 48 - Updated: Oct 8, 2010 - Published: Sep 5, 2010 - Sonic, Amy - Complete

* * *

"You'll probably notice that instead of a summary, SilverDawn actually put some lines from the story there. That's a double edged sword. One one claw, that could get people interested while subtly conveying the meaning of the story. This enticed people into taking a peak. On the other claw, some people may be disinterested or decide not to look unless they can get a summary right away. But if you ask me, I'd say the pros outweigh the cons, but you have to be a talented writer and a master of words in order to pull it off."

"So, what is this story about? Well, you know all those rouge Sonic and Blaze shippers who think they kissed at the end of Sonic Rush?"

Spike turned angry and blew smoke out through his nose.

"Yeah, I can't stand them either. Well, it turns out SilverDawn uses this by having Sonic and Blaze be together at the start of the story. YUP! Sonic has a genuine crush on Blaze! SivlerDawn makes sure to show that Sonic really IS in love with Blaze. She also does well to show Amy's heartbreak and the reactions of the other characters. But then we have the twist: Blaze breaks up with Sonic to be with Silver. NOW STOP! I know what you're thinking and you're wrong. SilverDawn expresses very well that Blaze was new to expressing and feeling emotions due to her past, and she mistook her feelings around Sonic for love. But she soon realizes her true feelings and is very kind, honest, and true about this breakup. Of course, this means that now it's Sonic who's heart is broken, and now HE understands who he's been making Amy feels all this time. Again, the characters are all written well, Tails, Knuckles, and the gang included. SivlerDawn is the MASTER of romance."

Spike nodded and said, "Okay, so what's the second bombshell?"

Spike kept a straight face and said, "Sonic gets Amy pregnant."

* * *

**Passion**

Sonic gives in - but he goes too far. And although he can try and outrun his problems, Amy is still stuck with the consequences...

Sonic the Hedgehog - Rated: T - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 10 - Words: 24,705 - Reviews: 188 - Favs: 107 - Follows: 26 - Updated: Jun 19, 2010 - Published: Jun 5, 2010 - Sonic, Amy - Complete

* * *

"This fanfic shows what a masterful writer SilverDawn2010 really is," Spike said seriously, "Again, everyone is in character. Sonic is written like a skilled, honest, but flawed teenager who let his emotions go at the wrong time in the wrong way. Amy is a desperate girl who gave in too much and now is filled with regret, anger, and depression."

Spike leaned forward and said, "But what's vitally important here is that **A:** this is not a lemon. There is NO 'sex scene.' We have what happens leading up to it, the chapter ends, the next chapter is the aftermath. This story is a serious, T rated, Christian fanfic about a serious topic that happens in real life. And **B: **Sonic is very regretful and repentant about his actions. After he does it, he avoids Amy because he's ashamed and thinks she'll hate him. But when he finds out that it took and Amy is pregnant, you can bet your life that Sonic _does not abandon her! _He even gathers his friends together to confess about what he did. Tails included! Sonic wants to make sure his adoptive little brother doesn't make the same mistakes he does, but still has to risk loosing Tails' respect. That takes guts! Sonic is flawed like anyone else, but he's still noble and has morals. He's a relate-able, non perfect, teenage character."

Spike let out a deep breath. "Whew! That took a whole lot out of me! But SilverDawn has 20 Sonic the Hedgehog fanfics in total. If you like some psychological stuff, read _**Confined to Myself. **_But if you want something a little lighter, softer, and fluffier, then try _**Heart Racing,**_ which has some comedy and a sweet ending for not one but two couples!"

Spike smiled, "Well, that's it for this review. It's so glad to find an author who's devoted to a single fanbase and not distracted by those other gimmicky sensationalized fanbases, like _Game of Thrones, _or _Breaking Bad, _or even worse: _Phoenix Wright! _But SilverDawn wouldn't-"

* * *

**_Turnabout Date_**

_"Oh Nick…" Maya giggled a little. "If you're gonna ask me out… then just do it."_

_Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 6,522 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 32 - Follows: 4 - Published: Jul 24, 2012 - Phoenix W./Nick, Maya F. - Complete_

* * *

**_DUN-DUN-DUNNNNNNNN!_**

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

* * *

_**Author's Note: **The intro song was "Super Smash Mouth Bros." by The Living Tombstone._

* * *

_**(This was a parody of "The Cinema Snob" and "The Nostalgia Critic" on That Guy With The Glasses)**_


	4. Chapter 4

_Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me_  
_I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed_  
_She was looking kind of dumb, with her finger and her thumb_  
_In the shape of an 'L' on her forehead_

* * *

The dragon smoothly slipped into a black tuxedo, thrusting his arms through the sleeves as if he were punching.

* * *

_Well, the years start coming and they don't stop coming_  
_Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running_  
_Didn't make sense, not to live for fun_  
_Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb_

* * *

The dragon tied a bright red bowtie around his neck very neatly.

* * *

_So much to do, so much to see_  
_So what's wrong with taking the back streets_  
_You'll never know if you don't go_  
_You'll never shine if you don't glow_

* * *

The dragon took out a black and gold walking stick and spun it around in his claws. He then put on a big, elegant top hat.

* * *

_Hey now, you're an All Star, get your game on, go play_  
_Hey now, you're a Rock Star, get the show on, get paid_  
_And all that glitters is gold_  
_Only shooting stars break the mold, Only shooting stars break the mold_

_And all that glitters is gold_  
_Only shooting stars break the mold, Only shooting stars break the mold_

* * *

"Yeah, Super Smash Mouth Bros. is now the _official_ theme-song of Spike the Snob."

* * *

**Spike the Snob**

**Episode 3- Jack Storm 448**

Spike sat down in a comfortable looking chair in the Friendship Castle. There were plenty of books around him, and a bowl of gems on a nearby table.

"Characters," Spike said as he laid back in his chair, "They're the most important part of a story. I don't care how complex or creative the plot is, how breathtaking the scenery is, or how flowing the writing is; if your character are uninteresting, unlikable, or stupid in any way, then your story will FAIL!"

Spike stood up straight as he said this with a serious look on his face. Then he smiled and sat back down.

"That is why, Jack Storm 448 is one of the best fanfiction authors I've ever read. And no, I'm not exaggerating. Jack Storm is somewhere in my top 20, or maybe even my top 10! Seriously! I mean it!"

* * *

Author has written 4 stories for Pokémon, and Mythology.

My name is Jack Storm; the 448 refers to National Pokédex Number 448. Ten points to anyone who can tell me,without looking, what that is.

* * *

"Lucario," Spike said bluntly.

* * *

A little bit about myself:

My country? O Canada; our home and native land.

* * *

"I am so sorry about all the jokes American Television makes about your country," Spike said with great sincerity.

* * *

My age? Nice try.

My real name? Okay, fine; Jack Storm is really my character's name, not mine. But the Internet is not getting my real name, so you might as well call me Jack anyway.

My hobbies? They include painting, drawing, making bad puns, mowing the grass, chopping logs, writing (no duh), and lots of reading. Actually, let's make reading a whole other subject.

My favorite books? There are the classics like J.R.R. Tolkien's _The Hobbit_ and _Lord of The Rings_, and C.S. Lewis' _Chronicles of Narnia_.

* * *

"You have good taste, Jack!" Spike said pleasantly.

* * *

Then there are slightly newer works like Rick Riordan's _Percy Jackson__: The Lightning Thief_,

* * *

"Never-mind," Spike grumbled.

* * *

Christopher Paolini's _Eragon_, and last but not least, Diana Wynne Jones' _Howl's Moving Castle_.

My favorite games? I like Pokémon (Diamond and Pearl), The Battle for Wesnoth, Angband, Minecraft, and of course a good deck of cards is always fun.

My favorite TV shows? In no order whatsoever; Pokémon grabs an easy place, pretty much anything by Marvel Comics, same for DC (batman owns), Avatar: The Last Airbender, and I usually find Doctor Who fascinating (long live eleven).

* * *

"Why is he called Doctor Who?" Spike complained, "If he travels through time, shouldn't he be called Doctor _When_?"

* * *

And last, but not least, my faith? I am a Reformed Christian, and my story will contain more than a few Christian themes. If this offends you, I can only wish you good luck.

* * *

"Well it doesn't offend me, so let's get into this review!" Spike said as he rubbed his claws together eagerly, "Now, before we get on with the uni-cycling pink elephant in the room that is _Rising Storm: Book 1_, let's take a quick look at Jack Storm's non-Pokemon story, _Tale of a Mage._"

* * *

_Tale of a Mage_

_Magic; the power to manipulate reality itself. But to one mage-boy, blessed with extraordinary magical abilities, but cursed to spend his life on the run, magic only leads to death. Will he escape his fate, or be forced to confront it; enter the land of Wesnoth, and find out. Based (loosely) on the game, 'The Battle for Wesnoth', but highly self-explanatory._

* * *

"What are my feelings on it?" Spike asked.

The dragon rubbed his chin in thought. "Hmmmm . . ." Spike went into some deep thought, tapping the claws of his left hand on the arm of the chair as he studied the ceiling. Then, he finally came to a conclusion.

"No sir, I don't like it."

Spike shrugged and said, "I've never even _heard _of this 'The Battle for Wesnoth' game. Yes, the main character is likeable, but that's only because I see him as Jack from _Rising Storm: Book 1 _in another world with a different name. Then all this stuff about zombies and wizards, I think. Sorry Jack, but I just couldn't get into it. The world's just too unfamiliar for me. But it's still a good story, so I'd suggest taking a look at it, if you want."

Spike grew a wide smile.

"Alright. Time for the main event! The story that started it all! _Rising Storm: Book 1_!"

* * *

_Rising Storm: Book 1_

_When you're Jack Storm, a boy raised by a family of Lucario, and blessed with extraordinary Pokémon-like abilities, the world is a dangerous place. But that isn't going to stop him from exploring it; on the way, he'll meet lots of new friends, and more than a few enemies. Special thanks to OseanSoldier, Matthais Unidostres, and Imperator Justinian for their continued support._

* * *

"Holy guacamole, I just realized something. This is only the _first_ book, and it's 40 chapters long and counting!" Spike exclaimed, "Hopefully that means Jack will be writing for a loooooong time! Great!"

"Now, Jack also written two other stories that go along with this one. _Christmas Storm _tells the story of Jack's first Christ-mas with his Christian Lucario family. _Ivy's Story _tell the backstory of one of the main characters in the main story."

"Now, as for this main story, you might be tempted to write it off as another 'Moses in the bulrushes' type story."

Spike shrugged, "And, well, you'd be right. It is a 'Moses in the bulrushes' type story. But here's the thing: lots of stories share common tropes that are as old as the Old Testament. But it really doesn't matter how old or _'overused' _a trope is. What matters is what the author can do with it. How can the author spin it or recreate it or deconstruct it or add to it or whatever! _Frozen _took the 'true-love conquers all' trope and made into something amazing!"

Spike nodded, "And I'd say Jack did something great with the 'Moses in the bulrushes' tropes. It helps that Jack Storm's origins are kept a big mystery, and are still a mystery as of yet, with _very _limited clues. His past isn't a major plot point. The true focus of the plot is Jack's journey into the human world as a Pokemon trainer as he comes to grips with the way ordinary humans and Pokemon interact."

Spike stopped, his eyes widening as he smiled with delight.

"Hey. . . you know what this story is like? It's like _Star Trek: The Next Generation. _I'm serious! Like the crew of Enterprise, there's a wide variety of characters with different races, cultures, backgrounds, and personalities that often get into debates about issues of morality and ethics during their journey as they come in contact with new people in new locations during their travels. Heck! There's even a-"

_**SPOILERS! SPOILERS! SPOILERS!**_

_**SPOILERS!**_

**_SPOILERS!_**

**_SPOILERS!_**

**_Everything from here on is a spoiler!_**

_"character who's a lot _like DATA. Thomas the Porygon2!"

Spike gasped and fidgeted around excitedly in his chair, "That just made me remember! The fight scenes in this story are AWESOME! I mean, they're some of the best I've ever scene in Pokemon fanfiction, or maybe in fanfiction period! Jack takes a lot of liberties with Pokemon move sets and battle logic, like knowing more than four moves for instance. But Jack doesn't squander it. By putting great detail in movements, attacks, effects, and most importantly, _thoughts and emotions, _he makes battles something you can really immerse yourself in. They actually got my heart pounding!"

Spike clicked his claws together a few times and said, "_But, _I must admit, that Jack has an interesting way of utilizing comedy in his story. It's . . . weird. . ."

Spike scratched his head for a bit, then continued, "At first, Jack used this kind of Fourth Wall Breaking sense of humor."

* * *

_"Okay, but let's hope we don't meet any mean ones."_

_YES! He said it, so now I have official permission to make it happen. *Evil laugh*_

* * *

_Cap hung in the air, cartoon style, for a second before looking directly at the screen, "help me," and dropping to the ground._

* * *

"But then, he dropped it, and then started to put ALL of the story's humor in this author's notes at the beginning and end of each chapter."

* * *

_Jack: This is intolerable! We haven't met any new pokémon since chapter five, this situation must be remedied._

_Me: Don't worry, we'll find plenty of pokémon soon, just be patient._

_Jack: Humph, patience is not one of my strong points._

_Jason: I balance you out that way._

_Me: Maybe some training would help you pass the time._

_Jason: Good idea, I knew there was a reason I liked you._

_Jack: Oh no, did you have to start him off..._

_Jason: Come on you big softy, you know the saying; spare the rod, spoil the warrior. *drags Jack out of the room*_

_Jack: Help meeeeeee...*voice fades*_

_Me: He'll be alright. Now then, let's start the chapter._

* * *

Spike smiled sheepishly. "Heh-heh. Soooo, some of these are funnier than others, and some are less funnier than others. Now, this story is not a laugh out loud, funny story. It's a straight up tale of adventure, with some funny moments. I'd say the story has the right amount of funny moments. Like this one right here."

* * *

_As it was, the three troubled females found themselves drawn together; they had a lot to talk about. Mostly things that I, as a boy, won't delve too deeply into. What I will say, is that they quickly became fast friends, and were in the process of discussing the strange and mysterious subjects that girls are inexplicably drawn to, when it happened._

_"Personally," Hunter stated, "I like them nice and muscular, and as little fat as possible; I hate the ones with too much fat."_

_"Me too," said Frostbite, "I like them better when they're nice and lean; not a lot of fat, but not too much muscle either. I like to be able to overpower them."_

_"But it's no good if they're too weak," Lucy insisted, "I agree with Hunter; it's more fun when they give you a run for your money first."_

_"However," added Hunter, "It's no good if they can finish you with one blow either; there's got to be a balance."_

_"Where's the best place to go for if you want to finish it quickly?" Frostbite asked._

_Hunter considered it for a few seconds, "Personally, I usually go for the heart. However, if you can't get to the heart, then the neck is definitely my second choice; sever the jugular, and they go down no matter how big they are."_

_"I'd have thought that you'd know that, at least," Lucy said._

_Frostbite blushed, "Well, for all my talk, I've never actually hunted live prey before; I'm a complete novice."_

* * *

"Now, the reason I chose this scene was because I felt that this sums up the kind of humor and comic relief Jack uses in his stories," Spike exclaimed. "It's not wild, laugh out loud, try hard humor like, let's say AuraWielder's comedy. It's the kind that either builds up slowly and hits you, or is just a sudden tickle that catches you by surprise."

"Now, I feel that the story is a testament to what I call 'weighted balance.' The story has elements of humor, seriousness, lightheartedness, _**romance**, _ethical discussion, and religion that are all theoretically balanced, but at the same time, the whole thing leans slightly to the areas of seriousness, lightheartedness, and religion because those are the most important things to the plot. Everything still balances itself out, but we don't forget what the main themes to the story are."

"For instance, one chapter Lucy coming clean to Jack about her painful past and letting God into her life, and the next chapter Cap and Katana are working at a restaurant balancing bowls on their heads. One chapter Jason is getting killed by an evil Greninja, the next everyone's at a carnival. One chapter they're fighting Team Rocket, the next they're fighting Hunter J. Sure, the story has a serious tone, but there's still plenty of enjoyable feel good moments. And let me tell you that none of them would have been possible without these interesting, sympathetic, likeable, and life-like characters Jack Storm 448 created."

Spike tossed his walking stick up and caught as he smiled and declared, "And so, as a special treat, here are my Top 5 Favorite Characters from _Rising Storm: Book 1_!"

**#5- Solomon the Kadabra- **"What a tragic story he has. A story that I don't want to spoil, seeing as it's a major milestone in the story. Anyway, his calm attitude and amazing skill and kind heart makes him such a good character. He's the perfect character to give a girlfriend too! He deserves one!"

**#4- Thomas the Porygon2- **"Like I said earlier, this guy is a lot like DATA from _Star Trek: The Next Generation. _Despite being a robot, he's still a good Pokemon with a kind metaphorical heart. He's also extremely smart, which allows him to mesh well with Jack Storm, who's pretty bright himself. Seeing Thomas and Jack interact gives you a feeling that good things will soon come. And as it turns out, good things do come!"

**#3- Jack Storm the human- **"Sorry Jason the Lucario, but your human brother is far more interesting than you! Sure, I like Jason. He's a good anchor for Jack's character and helps to motivate our main protagonist, but to be honest, Jason seems kind of flat and less dynamic than everyone else. Now, as for Jack, what can I say, he's the guy who has everything happen to him. I just love how imperfect he is! His major flaw is anger, as seen during his early moments of Anti-Pokeball ranting that would put Team Plasma to shame. Then we have his interactions with Paul . . . oh boy . . . uh, anyway, seeing him battle with his stubbornness and flaws, with help from God through prayer, makes me strongly admire Jack Storm."

**#2- Cap the Breloom and Katana the Scyther- **"I know, it seems like a cop-out, putting two characters in one slot, but they were introduced together, and they're back-stories are so interconnected. They both have unique personalities that mesh well with one another, and they were two of the first characters introduced in the story, so we can easily grow attached to them. And what I really like about them is how even though their backstory is _very _similar to Romeo and Juliet's situation, they're relationship has always been just friends, and has _never _gotten even close to becoming romantic. I admire that, since not everyone has to fall in love just because they always see each other and depend on each other. Ya see, me and Rarity- NO! No Spike, focus on the review! _Ahem! _So anyway, Jack uses his romance knowledge to make a love story on Solomon and Aura the Dragonair, which is awesome!"

**#1- Lucy the Absol- **"First of all, Absol is my favorite Pokemon. Second of all, if you were a Pokemon abused by Paul but rescued and rehabilitated by a kind trainer, then congratulations, you are automatically one of my favorite characters! Third of all, the scene where she comes clean about all the other horrible stuff that happened to her even _before _Paul dragged her into living Hell, after singing a hymn, and she and Jack bond, really cemented her as a character I just have to adore. But what pushes Lucy up to my number one spot are the subtle things about her. Like how she lets Wendy the Kirlia ride on her back and how she's not above making cute facing when she needs to. Plus, she's very mature and responsible. Oh, and she played two big major roles in the story thus far. First during Jack's Pokeball crisis, and second during a certain confrontation between Jack and Paul. Can you say _Crowning Moment of Awesomeness?_"

Spike settled down in his chair and sighed. "And so, that's my analysis of Jack Storm 448. He's a good writer that knows how to balance every aspect of literature while still keeping it aligned to a specific theme."

Spike gasped, "OH! OH! One more thing. Ya see, Jack managed to do something really cool in his story. You know what he did? Well, I'll tell ya. He managed to connect his story, to _Keldeo the Critic _by Matthais Unidostres _and Conquering the Dark _by AuraWielder."

Spike nodded seriously.

" . . . Yeah. Yes he did."

* * *

_**Author's Note: **The intro song was "Super Smash Mouth Bros." by The Living Tombstone._

* * *

_**(This was a parody of "The Cinema Snob" and "The Nostalgia Critic" on That Guy With The Glasses)**_


	5. Chapter 5

_Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me_  
_I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed_  
_She was looking kind of dumb, with her finger and her thumb_  
_In the shape of an 'L' on her forehead_

* * *

The dragon smoothly slipped into a black tuxedo, thrusting his arms through the sleeves as if he were punching.

* * *

_Well, the years start coming and they don't stop coming_  
_Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running_  
_Didn't make sense, not to live for fun_  
_Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb_

* * *

The dragon tied a bright red bowtie around his neck very neatly.

* * *

_So much to do, so much to see_  
_So what's wrong with taking the back streets_  
_You'll never know if you don't go_  
_You'll never shine if you don't glow_

* * *

The dragon took out a black and gold walking stick and spun it around in his claws. He then put on a big, elegant top hat.

* * *

_Hey now, you're an All Star, get your game on, go play_  
_Hey now, you're a Rock Star, get the show on, get paid_  
_And all that glitters is gold_  
_Only shooting stars break the mold, Only shooting stars break the mold_

_And all that glitters is gold_  
_Only shooting stars break the mold, Only shooting stars break the mold_

* * *

**Spike the Snob**

**Episode 4- chocolatebananaccreampie**

Spike sat down in a comfortable looking chair in the Friendship Castle. There were plenty of books around him, and a bowl of gems on a nearby table.

"There is a brand new Fanon Critic among us," Spike said in a serious tone with a serious look on his face, "This critic hails from India, and has planted the Critic flag in a brand new series, increasing the influence of the Critic-ian nation. It is a series not as old as _My Little Pony _or _Pokemon,_ but it's still a classic, and well beloved by animation fans all over the world. This new player is a fan of none other than the _Animaniacs._"

Spike sighed as he reclined back in his chair, "Ah, yes. The _Animaniacs_. Three weird cat/dog/rabbit/mice creatures tormenting everyone they come across with slapstick and satire of pop culture. Classic comedy. Plus, they gave us two of the greatest comedy duos in cartoon history: Pinkie and the Brain, and Skippy and Slappy."

Spike sat up straight and said, "Now, I know that many of you probably never saw the _Animaniacs _and probably think the show's too stupid. Well, let me make something clear to you . . ."

Spike leaned forward a bit with a sneaky smile, and suddenly shouted, "TODAY'S ANIMATION IS WAY STUPIDER THAN THE ANIMANIACS EVER WAS!"

Spike backed up and said, "The _Animaniacs _were actually intelligent compared to garbage such as _Spongebob _or _Sanjay and Craig _or _The Amazing World of Gumball _or . . ." Spike shuddered in terror, "_Clarence. _Ugh. I want to find whoever created that ugly show and burn their houses down!"

Spike composed himself and continued, "But seriously, the Animaniacs _was_ a good show. It's humor was clever, it's characters were unique, it was ingenious how it would poke fun at celebrities, and it could actually be rather touching at times. *cough*_OneFlewOvertheCuckooClock_*cough*."

Spike smiled and said, "So, a review series focusing on Animaniacs FanFiction sounds like a good idea for the large fanbase that still loves the show. Speaking of the reviewer, this person with the weird food related name has some really good fanfic author ethics. First, the writer is a true fan."

* * *

_I write mostly(all) animaniacs stories, because_

_1) THE SHOW IS AWESOME_

_2) THE SHOW IS AMAZING_

_3) THE SHOW IS PHENOMENAL_

* * *

"Second, the author knows how important it is to update regularly."

* * *

_Also, I am one of those authors who **will **update even if Jack Torrance breaks down my door, so if I start a story I will finish it._

* * *

"And third, the author understands, values, and craves the power of a thoughtful review."

* * *

_Oh, and also if I(or anyone for that matter) write a story, don't just review saying 'lol' or 'cool' or something similar. If you do review, then please give constructive criticism. Its easy really, let me give you an example:_

_This story was really well written, with a few grammer mistakes here and there. The plot was extremely engaging although the main character was a bit OOC. Anyway, keep up the good work!_

_Please do not leave reviews like:_

_omg DAT stry was sooooooooo cool an da man charcter was reeli funny_

_No. Please stop._

_Anyway since I've given you the ways of reviewing, I might as well tell you about spelling._

_UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES WILL YOU USE TEXT SPEAK IN STORIES!_

_Sorry, that just pisses me off **so **much._

_Of course, everyone makes mistakes, but try and keep the misspellings to a minimum._

_Anyway, I think I have lectured you more that telling me about myself, so in the words of Mindy,_

_Okay, I love you, buh-bye!_

* * *

"The author, who I'm just gonna call Creampie, also has one of those _'list your favorite characters and answer questions'_ games on her page, but . . ." Spike smiled nervously, "Ehhh, let's skip it. Believe me, we better. Take my word for it. _Trust me._"

Spike clapped his claws once and said, "Okay! So, what's Creampie's review series like? Well, here it is!"

* * *

_**Discovering the fanbase**_

_By: chocolatebananacremepie _

_One day, Wakko and Dot grab their laptop and decide to find out what the Animaniacs fans are doing after the show's cancellation..._

* * *

"Aha! So it looks like Wakko and Dot are the ones reviewing the FanFiction, and I gotta say, they're in excellent character! Their first review is very funny, and they react in exactly the right way you'd expect them to act. I can't wait to see what role Yakko and the other character play in this series!"

"Well, I'm not gonna spoil anything for you here. Take my advice and go check it out for yourself. In fact, check out some other Animaniacs Fanfiction. Or better yet, watch the show! Believe me, you'll enjoy it!"

Spike winked and said with a smile, "Stay zany, my friends!"

* * *

_**Author's Note: **The intro song was "Super Smash Mouth Bros." by The Living Tombstone._

* * *

_**(This was a parody of "The Cinema Snob" and "The Nostalgia Critic" on That Guy With The Glasses)**_


	6. Chapter 6

_Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me_  
_I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed_  
_She was looking kind of dumb, with her finger and her thumb_  
_In the shape of an 'L' on her forehead_

* * *

The dragon smoothly slipped into a black tuxedo, thrusting his arms through the sleeves as if he were punching.

* * *

_Well, the years start coming and they don't stop coming_  
_Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running_  
_Didn't make sense, not to live for fun_  
_Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb_

* * *

The dragon tied a bright red bowtie around his neck very neatly.

* * *

_So much to do, so much to see_  
_So what's wrong with taking the back streets_  
_You'll never know if you don't go_  
_You'll never shine if you don't glow_

* * *

The dragon took out a black and gold walking stick and spun it around in his claws. He then put on a big, elegant top hat.

* * *

_Hey now, you're an All Star, get your game on, go play_  
_Hey now, you're a Rock Star, get the show on, get paid_  
_And all that glitters is gold_  
_Only shooting stars break the mold, Only shooting stars break the mold_

_And all that glitters is gold_  
_Only shooting stars break the mold, Only shooting stars break the mold_

* * *

**Spike the Snob**

**Episode 5- _The Land Before Time _review with Ryusei Taylor**

Spike sat down in a comfortable looking chair in the Friendship Castle. There were plenty of books around him, and a bowl of gems on a nearby table.

"Hello everypony," Spike said with a smile, "This episode is gonna be a little unique. You see, not too long ago, I paid Ryu Taylor the Ferret another visit, and we reviewed a movie that he _really _didn't like. It was _The Land Before Time XIII - The Wisdom of Friends._ And yes, it was bad. _Really bad. _I can't wait till Samhain in the Dark reviews it. Anyway, if you want to see us review that movie, just check _Ryu's Journal. _Anyway, today I am going to review the first and original Land Before Time film, again with none other that Ryu Taylor."

Ryu sat in another chair next to Spike and nodded, "This is a much more comfortable environment to review a movie I love so much."

Spike nodded, "Yeah. You said that a lot of people consider this movie a masterpiece."

Ryu nodded, "Indeed."

Spike smiled sheepishly, "Right. Well, Ryu, I want us to be friends, and after the whole _Inspiration Manifestation _incident with Rarity, I learned that it's really important to be honest with your friends."

"What are you getting at?" Ryu said impatiently.

"The movie's overrated."

Everything went so quiet you could hear a pin drop.

"I _liked _the movie," Spike said quickly, sweating a little bit, "It was a _good _movie. But I still think it's kinda overrated."

Ryu tapped the arm of his chair, and then formed a ball of fire in his left paw. "Explain," he said.

Spike shyed away from the Firebender, but then became a bot bolder and leaned in towards Ryu. "You're not the only one who can get fiery and angry here, Ryu!" Spike challenged, "You want me to explain? Well fine! Challenge accepted."

Spike sat back in his chair and said, "First we have Littlefoot's mother's death scene. I'm sorry, but having someone give their parting words in their dying breath is kind of cliche and kinda ruins the impact. Littlefoot could have been told the way to the Valley earlier, or maybe it could have been a mixture of instinct and oral history or something. What I mean is, why couldn't we have gotten something more like the death of Mufasa from the Lion King? No final words, no slow melodramatic zoom out. Just Mufasa lying dead with Simba trying to wake him up, _and then crawling into his dead father's embrace. __That _is how a death scene is done."

Spike held up two fingers and said, "Second, Spike the Stegosaurus. I find it _insulting_ that a Stegosaurus is reduced to pet status. _No Equestria Girls __jokes, please. _Spike acting like a dog is actually kind of racist when you think about it. So are Stegosauruses inferior to other species of dinosaur? And it doesn't even make sense how Spike just hatches and is capable of moving and keeping up within minutes of being born. And he doesn't even act like a baby dinosaur. I guess they were trying to say he was a puppy, but it still makes no sense. He's not even a mammal! Maximus and Sven being dogs makes more sense! How can a baby dinosaur-? How does he-? A dog, I-? Uggh, it makes my head hurt trying to put this together!"

Spike was practically shaking with anger as he held three fingers up, "And third, _Cera! _Oh, CERA! I hate her soooo much! _SHE IS AN ASSHOLE! _I mean, she doesn't listen to anyone, she's not very nice, she treats everyone around her like trash, and she only cares about herself!"

"I believe you said something similar to that about me," Ryu said calmly.

"I know I did and I'm sorry, but don't change the subject," Spike replied sharply.

"You do realize that Cera learns her lesson and changes throughout the course of the film. You know, _character development_," Ryu said in a lecturing tone.

"I know that, but here's the problem with character arcs like this: you have to _put up _with this _horrible, **horrible** _character throughout the majority of the arc!" Spike exclaimed as he brandished his walking stick, "Throughout 80% of the time Cera is on screen, all she does is make smart remarks, make rude remarks, bully everyone, lead our protagonists into danger, make things worse in general, and _beat up Littlefoot_! And you know what? I think Cera's change of heart came too quickly! She just feels bad about leading her friends- oh wait, did I say friends? Oh, no-no-no. Her _acquaintances, _into a tar pit. Then she walks away for a while, and then shows up later to help kill the sharptooth, and that somehow makes up for all the _horrible nasty _things she did through the entire film? I'm sorry, but no! Just NO! I had to just sit there and watch one of the worst cartoon characters that ever existed in the history of hand drawn animation, and that's how the film expects me to like her and accept that she's changed? Are you kidding me?! You can't be serious! The best way I understand this is that Cera realized she was a stupid jerk and decided to try to be nicer and actually _help_ Littlefoot's gang out a bit more. Sure, that's nice and all, but having to look at this _asshole_ and listen to this _asshole _was just a _horrible _experience! HOLY GUACAMOLE!"

Ryu just stared at Spike, who was huffing and puffing like mad. Then he said, "You didn't mind Cera when we watched the sequels."

"That's because the _one thing_ the sequels got right was how to write Cera as a Jerk With a Heart of Gold," Spike explained, "In the sequels, Cera can be cranky, angry, impatient, stubborn, snarky, and pugnacious, but she still genuinely cares about her friends. The Cera in the first movie is just an asshole who decides to try and make up for being an asshole in the final act. That Cera sucks."

Ryu glared at Spike and said, "I thought you said you liked the movie."

"I did! Really, Ryu! I _did _like it!" Spike pleaded, "It's just that, Cera almost ruined it for me. But there were a bunch of things that I liked about it. I mean, come on, Don Bluth is a genius! Both in here and in _The Secret of NIMH, _Don Bluth sure shows how he can successfully show kids a dark story. The dinosaur battles, earthquake scenes, and overall art directions are just awesome! It just pulls you into the world and is just so cool!"

"Agreed," Ryu said with a nod, "Another reason why I hate the sequels. All that lovely dark atmosphere was sucked out and replaced with bright and sunny Saturday Morning Cartoon garbage and terrible musical numbers."

"You got that right," Spike said solemnly, "And another thing I liked was how the film took itself seriously, and took emotions seriously, and told a story that wasn't just what people _expect _to hear. What I'm talking about here is Littlefoot's decision to actually _kill _the sharptooth to avenge his mother. That blew me away when I saw it. Most kids' movies would have the sharptooh die almost accidentally during a chase scene, probably by falling off a cliff like a Disney Villain. But to have our main characters actually go and deliberately kill the villain themselves is an amazing idea. I can't think of any other kids' movie that's done that."

"We owe it all to the amazing vision of Don Bluth and the other people who wrote and worked on this movie, which I very well _know _is a masterpiece," Ryu said confidently, putting a slight edge on the end of his sentence.

Spike sighed, "Look Ryu, I don't wait us to have another fight. You think it's a masterpiece. I think its overrated because of three major flaws I can't get over. Perhaps it'd be best if we just agreed to disagree. Agree?"

Spike held out his claw, and Ryu shook it without hesitation.

"No problem, friend," Ryu said with a sad smile, "I said it once, and I'll say it again: I pity you. Not only do you have six horrible characters as friends, but you can't see the forest through the trees when it comes to this movie."

"Okay, okay, okay. It was real nice talking with you, Ryusei Taylor the Ferret."

"Same here, Spike the Dragon. Perhaps we might meet again. But until then, be well."

Ryu then Canonbended a portal back into his world and stepped through it.

After the portal closed, Spike gave a long sigh of relief.

"I am _so _glad that's over."

* * *

_**Author's Note: **The intro song was "Super Smash Mouth Bros." by The Living Tombstone._

* * *

_**(This was a parody of "The Cinema Snob" and "The Nostalgia Critic" on That Guy With The Glasses)**_


	7. Chapter 7

_Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me_  
_I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed_  
_She was looking kind of dumb, with her finger and her thumb_  
_In the shape of an 'L' on her forehead_

* * *

The dragon smoothly slipped into a black tuxedo, thrusting his arms through the sleeves as if he were punching.

* * *

_Well, the years start coming and they don't stop coming_  
_Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running_  
_Didn't make sense, not to live for fun_  
_Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb_

* * *

The dragon tied a bright red bowtie around his neck very neatly.

* * *

_So much to do, so much to see_  
_So what's wrong with taking the back streets_  
_You'll never know if you don't go_  
_You'll never shine if you don't glow_

* * *

The dragon took out a black and gold walking stick and spun it around in his claws. He then put on a big, elegant top hat.

* * *

_Hey now, you're an All Star, get your game on, go play_  
_Hey now, you're a Rock Star, get the show on, get paid_  
_And all that glitters is gold_  
_Only shooting stars break the mold, Only shooting stars break the mold_

_And all that glitters is gold_  
_Only shooting stars break the mold, Only shooting stars break the mold_

* * *

**Spike the Snob**

**Episode 6- Toadettegirl2012 Analysis with Keldeo the Critic**

Spike sat down in a comfortable looking chair in the Friendship Castle. There were plenty of books around him, and a bowl of gems on a nearby table.

"Hello everypony," Spike said with a smile, "This episode is _also _gonna be a little unique, just like my previous one. That's right! It's another crossover! This time with the pony I reviewed a special _Animaniacs _fanfiction called _Fate _by Skiptastic on his show. You know him. You love him. He's the critic who started it all! He's Keldeo the Critic!"

A Magnagate opened up in the middle of the floor, and Keldeo himself jumped out and into the room with Spike.

"It's me! Keldeo the Critic! I review it so you don't have to!" Keldeo said proudly.

"That's right!" Spike said excitedly, "And today, we're gonna talk about Toadettegirl2012!"

Keldeo's face fell. "What!? **_Her?! _**Are you kidding me?" Keldeo said in a distressed tone.

Spike jumped up out of his chair and said, "Oh no! You're not getting out of this, Keldeo! You agreed to this crossover, so you gotta follow through."

"But does it have to be _her_?" Keldeo moaned.

Spike face clawed and said, "Please don't whine."

Keldeo grinned impishly and said, "That wasn't whining. That was moaning. _This is whining-_."

"Okay, okay!" Spike exclaimed as he waved his claws nervously. Then, a smirk slowly spread across his face, and he said, "You know. . . the first fanfic you ever did was _Purple Flowers and Chocolate Cake _by _Toadettegirl2012._"

Knowing that he was beaten, Keldeo sighed and nodded. "Okay then. We'll talk about her. She's actually not _that _bad anyway."

"But why exactly is she bad at all?" Spike asked as he sat back down.

Keldeo thought for a moment, and said, "Well, how about we start at the beginning first."

Spike nodded, "Alright then. Well, the first thing you need to know about Toadettegirl2012 is that she is a _hardcore _Negaishipper, that is, she _loves _to have Ash and Iris together."

"So every story she writes is an Ash and Iris romance," Keldeo said, "And when I say every, I mean _every. _She is a romance writer through and through. But that's not a bad thing! And it's not just because I support Ash and Iris being together and they have good chemistry and they both just click together and they both care about Pokemon and like to go all out in their battles and both want to be Pokemon Masters and-"

"_Keldeo. . ._" Spike said warningly.

Keldeo stopped his rambling and smiled sheepishly. "Sorry. Anyway, she _has _written some really good and sweet romances. Like _Purple Flowers and Chocolate Cake _and _New Year Blast._"

"Yes, she _is _good at portraying a sweet and _in-character_ relationship between Ash and Iris," Spike said with a smile.

"And she also likes to have the Pokemon talk in _some _of her stories," Keldeo said, "Which is also _not _a bad thing. It's actually pretty cool. It helps to further the plot. And when the story _wouldn't_ benefit Pokemon talking, then, well, she simply doesn't have them talk. Usually talking Pokemon symbolize that the story is gonna be bright, cheerful, lighthearted, and sweet; like those two stories I just mentioned. But in darker stories, like _The Midnight Dragon, _the Pokemon don't talk and it fits more into the canon Pokemon world."

"And it's consistent," Spike added, "It's either a talking Pokemon fanfic or non-talking Pokemon fanfic through and through. Very nice."

"She also has a little bit of a series going on, called _Perfect Together. _The series has two stories in it so far, _Sick With No Cure _and _Give Me Your Hand._"

"She also likes to make a story for every single holiday, and she has some stories that take place in an alternate universe where Ash and Iris are little kids that grew up together. It's kind of like _Tiny Toons _or _Baby Looney Tunes,_" Spike said.

Keldeo shrugged, "Not really my thing, but nothing too horrible about it."

Spike then looked at Keldeo and raised an eyebrow. "Buuuuuuuut. . .you _do _have some problems with her, don't you?"

Keldeo frowned and sighed. "Yeah. . . I do. . . first of all. . . well. . . two things. . ."

"Holy guacamole, just spit it out!" Spike exclaimed.

"Mean spiritless and overly dark back-stories!" Keldeo spat rather bitterly.

"Explain," Spike urged.

Keldeo frowned, "Well, I already reviewed _Too Much H20. _I don't find Ash peeing on himself funny."

"Then you would probably hate the Animaniacs episode _Potty Emergency,_" Spike commented wryly.

"You know, I actually liked that episode, and I'll tell you why," Keldeo said resolutely, "In that cartoon, it was played purely for laughs. No one _purposely _kept Wakko from getting to a bathroom, and everything was so overblown and over the top that you couldn't help but laugh. And Wakko didn't actually have an accident or soil his clothing in a disgusting way. Comedy does come from misery, you know. But in _Too Much H20, _it was just too gross and graphic! And Trip was out of character."

Spike nodded, "Okay, I have to agree with you there."

"And don't get me started at how rage inducing Dragonite is in _Give Me Your Hand_!" Keldeo exclaimed, "Or what a jerk Ash was in _Don't You Remember? _Ash would never pull a prank as terrible as pretending to have amnesia just to get Iris to kiss him!"

* * *

_"Ash…t-that was amazing…" Iris said looking up at the raven haired boy._

_"Yeah…it was," Ash said as he started to laugh?_

_Iris pulled back, "Um Ash what's so funny?" this only seemed to make Ash laugh harder, Iris frowned, "Ash tell me, what are you laughing about?!"_

_Just then there was a rustling sound in a bush nearby, and the connoisseur approached them with Pikachu and Axew, the two Pokémon seemed to be snickering a bit._

_"Alright, Prankster King I have to hand it to you that was really clever," Cilan said giving him a small applaud._

_Ash jumped up he was still laughing, "Yup, now you have to make me chocolate chip pancakes for the rest of the month, Cilan!"_

_(TG2012: I know this sounds crazy…just stick with me guys)_

_Iris looked around confused, "Wait…g-guys what's going on here?" she stood up, "what's so funny!?"_

_Pikachu and Axew started to bust out laughing, Ash seemed to be choking as he held back laughter, "I-Iris, i-it was all a-a joke," he stopped to laugh a bit more._

_"A…A joke, what was a joke-" she stopped as the whole thing dawned on her, "…A-Ash your saying…you mean…you had your memory all a long?!"_

_Ash nodded as he forced himself to stop laughing, "Yup….APRIL FOOL'S IRIS!" the raven haired boy doubled over laughing._

_Iris stood there completely shell shocked!_

_"Well if you wondering Iris, this whole "prank" was all a big bet" Cilan explained to his speechless friend._

_(TG2012: I'm not going to let Cilan explain all this so let me just tell you what's going on: Ash made a bet with Cilan, if he could kiss Iris before the day was over he'd had to make Ash chocolate chip pancakes and call him Prankster King for the rest of the month)_

_Iris started at him, as the whole thing sunk into her brain. Ash never lost his memory. Meaning Ash was never her boyfriend. Meaning all those hugs, hand holds, all those kisses on the cheek, were all part of his big joke! Embarrassment and anger filled her whole body._

_"I totally got you Iris! The whole thing was hilarious oh you should see the look on your face right now it priceless!" Ash said coming up to his friend who was not giving a response, he gave a goofy grin, "Come on Iris you have to say that was-"_

_But he was cut off but a sharp smacking sound, and suddenly he found himself on the ground with an awful burning sensation in his left cheek and Iris with her foot pressed hard on his chest._

_"ASH KETCHUM! YOU LITTLE FREAKIN' FREAK! YOUR SUCH A LITTLE KID!" Iris screamed, "HOW COULD YOU BE SUCH A JACKASS?!"_

_"Hey, hey Iris calm down it was just a joke!" Ash said squirming under the added weight Iris added to his chest._

_"A JOKE!" she screamed leaning closer to his face. Ash now could see tears running down Iris's cheeks, "A JOKE! YOU CALL THAT A JOKE?! NO, ASH THAT WAS JUST PLAIN CUREL! YOUR SUCH A DUMBASS LITTLE KID!"_

_With that Iris sat on top of him and started beating him with her fist, and screaming 'I hate you' over and over again with each hit. Not being able to move his arms to shield his face Ash had to take Iris's beating with no protection._

_"IRIS STOP! OW! OW! OW! DAMN IT, STOP YOU'RE HURTING ME, OW!" Ash cried, after a few more hits he starting to feel a dizzying pain in his left eye._

* * *

"Oh yeah, and she likes to make the characters curse," Keldeo complained, "_And_ she likes to put in these random author's notes in an attempt to get out of actually writing, or to try and make up for bad writing. . . ARE YA HAVING FUN YET, KIDS?!"

"Forget that! Don't you remember how dark _A Scar _was!" Spike exclaimed, "I mean, the abusive father trope? On Ash? Really?! And she gives him this horrible, disgusting scar that makes Spongebob's _splinter_ look good?"

"Forget about that one too, how about _Operation: Winter Can Be Fun!_" Keldeo exclaimed, slowly getting angrier.

Spike blinked as he gripped his walking stick tightly. "I take it you don't like that story," he said fearfully.

Keldeo grit his teeth. "If it's not bad enough that Ash keeps trying to _force _Iris like winter in ways that severely inure them either physically or emotional, and eventually land them in a life threatening situation; then we have to get the craziest, overblown, insane, ridiculous, depressing, illogical, implausible reason for Iris hating winter."

"That bad?" Spike said with an eyebrow raised.

With a straight face, Keldeo said, "Apparently when Iris was a child, a gang of psychotic children almost murdered her with an Ice-type."

Spike blinked. "You're joking."

"I'm serious," Keldeo said.

Spike scratched his head, "I know kids can be mean. I mean, I've seen Diamond Tiara in action, but. . .that just seems implausible. I mean, little kids trying to kill some girl. That's just too weird."

Keldeo sighed, "Yeah. Between the way Ash keeps making things worse and doesn't learn and the terrible, horrible, psychotic back-story, that story is just so frustrating and depressing."

"I know, Keldeo. But I'm sure it's not as bad as _A Different Kind of Prin-_."

**_"WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU, TOADETTEGIRL?!" _**Keldeo exploded without warning. He took a few deep breaths as Spike cowered behind his chair in fear. "How could you do that to Misty?!" Keldeo said, a bit calmer after his outburst, "You took a great gym leader, a brave trainer, the _Tomboyish Mermaid, _one of Ash's first friends, a great hero, a selfless person who _almost died to save her Gyrados; _and you turned her into a heartless and possibly racist _monster _who cheats to win a beauty contest and has Iris _kidnapped and beaten half to death_! Are you out of your mind!"

Spike peeked out, smiled nervously, and said, "And it's kind of ironic how Misty insults Iris for being a tomboy when she's supposed to be _Tomboyish Mermaid. _Heh-heh-heh. . ."

Keldeo hung his head and whimpered, "Why. . . Why did she do this to Misty? She could have used an OC, or maybe an _actual _villain; like Burgundy, Georgia, Jessie in her Jessilina disguise. Those people _would_ actually cheat or try to get rid of the competition in some way. Misty is a good person. That's why she was one of the main _protagonists! _Misty is not evil! So why did Toadettegirl do this?"

Spike came out from behind the chair and said, "Well, maybe she felt threatened by Pokeshipping?"

"Well then why didn't she just write about Misty and Iris competing over Ash's affections and Ash chooses Iris because of his own feelings. By making Misty do such terrible, _terrible _things, the whole romance gets cheapened! Why would Ash choose Misty after everything's she's done! There's no choice here, of course Ash would choose the girl that hasn't sold her soul to Satan. I mean. . . I _really _don't like Serena. I think she's boring, flat, overly romantic, and way too feminine. But you don't see me writing a fanfic where Serena is a serial killer or something!" Keldeo exclaimed.

"I know, Keldeo. I know," Spike said gently as he patted Keldeo on the shoulder, "Toadettegirl allowed her intolerance to other pairings to corrupt her to the point where she would do _anything _to defame Pokeshipping so that everyone would agree with Negaishipping. We all know that Misty is a nice, spunky, fun character. Sure, she's not the nicest person ever, but she _is _a good person who would never cheat, and certainly never maliciously harm anyone."

"I know, Spike. I know," Keldeo replied, "It just frustrates me so much. I mean, Toadettegirl is such a good writer! She knows how how to create such beautiful romances, and great comedy with both humans and Pokemon. All the character play off each other so well. _The Midnight Dragon _was such an epic story! Her best work! And yet. . .she has to keep going into frustrating, dark, and insulting waters. . ."

Keldeo sighed and said, "I just wish that someday she'll learn. . ."

Spike nodded, "Maybe she will, Keldeo. But until then, how about we enjoy all of her _good _stories. Like _Sick With No Cure _and _The Midnight Dragon._"

"How about _Negaishipping A-Z_?" Keldeo suggested, "That sounds promising."

"Sure thing, Keldeo!" Spike said, and he raised his fist.

Keldeo bumped his hoof to Spike's fist and the tow friends nodded.

"It was nice to be here Spike. It helps to vent frustrations from time to time," Keldeo said.

"No problem, Keldeo. I'll be watching your show," Spike said.

"Thanks. I'll be watching your show too," Keldeo replied.

Setting the cards down on the floor, the Magnagate reopened. Keldeo jumped back in, and with a final flash, it closed."

* * *

_**Author's Note: **The intro song was "Super Smash Mouth Bros." by The Living Tombstone._

* * *

_**(This was a parody of "The Cinema Snob" and "The Nostalgia Critic" on That Guy With The Glasses)**_


	8. Chapter 8

Spike sat back in his chair and waved calmly.

"Hey there, everypony. Here's a quick little message regarding _'Slice of Life,'_ the 100th episode of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic . . . and Ryu Taylor's review of it."

Spike drummed his claws on the arm of his chair and said, "Again, I'm making a _quick _little message. Very short. Okay. Look, Ryu Taylor said it didn't come together and was just fan-service. I agree."

Spike nodded enthusiastically, "Yeah, it was fan-service. It was basically an episode for the _'other mane six.' _It was all the fan favorites getting some time in the spotlight. Now, I'm not _that _into these _'fan favorites' . . . _except for Doctor Whooves and Derpy, seriously, BaldDumboRat's _Doctor Whooves and Assistant _audio drama is incredible, it's so awesome, it's good for Doctor Who fans and MLP fans, it's just its own amazing thing, it-."

Spike suddenly held up a claw and stopped himself from gushing.

Still with a smile, he took a quick breath and said, "Anyway, I think the episode was a fun flash of cool content for us. I mean, that Octavia and Vinyl Scratch duet was a Crowning Moment of Awesome. Yes, the episode was wild, crazy, and all over the place; but it had a nice quick message at the end and gave us all a fun take on all the fan favorites. It also modified and partly adopted some long held theories into the canon, which is really awesome. So, in short, this episode was just a special gift for the fans."

Spike nodded and said, "Now, if you don't mind, I have to get busy with a few other projects I'm working on. . ."


	9. Chapter 9

_Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me_  
_I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed_  
_She was looking kind of dumb, with her finger and her thumb_  
_In the shape of an 'L' on her forehead_

* * *

The dragon smoothly slipped into a black tuxedo, thrusting his arms through the sleeves as if he were punching.

* * *

_Well, the years start coming and they don't stop coming_  
_Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running_  
_Didn't make sense, not to live for fun_  
_Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb_

* * *

The dragon tied a bright red bowtie around his neck very neatly.

* * *

_So much to do, so much to see_  
_So what's wrong with taking the back streets_  
_You'll never know if you don't go_  
_You'll never shine if you don't glow_

* * *

The dragon took out a black and gold walking stick and spun it around in his claws. He then put on a big, elegant top hat.

* * *

_Hey now, you're an All Star, get your game on, go play_  
_Hey now, you're a Rock Star, get the show on, get paid_  
_And all that glitters is gold_  
_Only shooting stars break the mold, Only shooting stars break the mold_

_And all that glitters is gold_  
_Only shooting stars break the mold, Only shooting stars break the mold_

* * *

**Spike the Snob**

**Episode 7- HavocHound**

Spike sat down in a comfortable looking chair in the Friendship Castle. There were plenty of books around him, and a bowl of gems on a nearby table.

"Hello everypony," Spike said with a smile, "Today's episode is gonna be about someone who is a master of Alternate Universes, and the king of making things Darker and Edgier. He's the PAW Patrol fanfic writer _HavocHound._"

Spike leaned back and said, "Ya know, I'd say that at least in the FanFiction department, PAW Patrol is going the way of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. There are a lot of older fans who really like it for its characters and humor. It's not just something colorful for preschoolers to stare at. Actual effort goes into this show. It's not as deep or action packed or serious as MLP, but its still a really good show. Better than Dora, that's a fact!"

Spike sat up straight as he continued, "Now, as with any fandom with fanfiction, you'll have romance focused writers, writers who try to make the stories more interesting, and writers who try to make it all gritty and dark. HavocHound . . . somehow manages to do all three at once. He gives us stories about Marshall running away and facing death, sociopathic murderers laying siege to the entire town and setting the woods on fire. . . and then turns around and gives us sweet romances and a tale of the pups playing truth or dare."

Spike held up a claw and said, "Now I know what you're thinking: _'One of the characters dying? A sociopathic murderer? In a fanfic of a show where cute little talking puppies rescue people and animals? He's one of those crazy authors that makes things overly dark."_

Spike shrugged, "Well, that's one interpretation, and depending on what you like, you might be right. But HavocHound isn't like the writers of _Cupcakes _or _Rainbow Factory. _Not only does he provide a happy ending, but he also gives a reason why for the grim dark peril the characters go through. It's not for sick pleasure. It's to increase the satisfaction we feel when the characters make it out alive and are stronger from it. It's kind of the philosophy Don Bluth had when he made his animated movies. Also, a lot of care, emotion, and even _psychology _went into this. I mean, check out this _tiny _excerpt from _Marshall Gone Missing._"

* * *

_Lying in the cold, icy floor of the cave, Marshall did his best to get warm by huddling his body into a fetal position. His whimpers echoed among the cave has he lay there hurt, cold, and tired. He had no way of getting out of here, especially with the snow storm that was outside. It would take all day to get to Jake's without his truck, and he doubt he could survive out there without a way to properly heal himself and stay warm._

_And worst of all, he had no means of contacting Ryder or the others for help. Even if they were searching for him, they had no way of finding him. He left no clues of where he was going._

_There was no more denying the one thought in Marshall's mind that made him more scared than he ever had in his entire life._

_I… I… I'm going to die…_

* * *

"But don't let that scare you away, because there are plenty of fun and awesome moments in here too! Check out this fire rescue scene!"

* * *

_"What do you need me do, Mawshall?" asked Zuma._

_Marshall giggled. "Sorry, still getting used to hearing my name sound like that. Anyway, there is a window in the kids' room that's right over the water. We can jump in and Zuma can bring us to land."_

_"Sounds like a plan. You hear that, Zuma?" asked Ryder._

_"On my way!" shouted Zuma as he turned his hovercraft back on and made for the store._

_Although the flames intimated him, Zuma wasn't going to be a scaredy pup when his friend needed him. He reached the end of the rental where the flames hadn't touched yet and saw the widow Marshall was talking about. Tapping his communicator, Zuma said, "Marshall. I'm here!"_

_"Great. Watch out below. Arf! Ax!"_

_The sound of a window smashing alerted Zuma to the window where he saw a red ax smash it up, giving Marshall a clear path for the water. The kid, a blond boy who had to be around seven years old, was right beside him. Getting an idea, Zuma cried out, "Arf! Buoy!" The front of his hovercart opened and shut out a buoy with a line into the water. "Mawshall! Have the kid jump into the buoy!"_

_"Good idea, Zuma! We're gonna jump! Three! Two! One!"shouted Marshall as he and the kid jumped._

_The kid screamed a bit but he managed to land perfectly in the buoy while Marshall splashed into the water next to him. Spitting out water, Marshall pushed the kid to the hovercraft where he climbed in._

_"T-thanks for rescuing me… can I get to my mom now?" asked the kid._

_"Sure thing, little dude," said Zuma with a smile before turning to Marshall who shook himself dry. "Dude, that was awesome!"_

_"Thanks," said Marshall with a smile. He tapped his tag. "Marshall here. We got the kid, Ryder. We're coming back to bring him to his mommy."_

_"Great work, pups. See you soon."_

_"Glad to see your still one piece. I thought you were gonna break your promise for a second there," said Chase, trying to sound professional, but Zuma could detect a hint of worry._

_Marshall chuckled. "Don't worry, Chase. I never break my promises. Marshall out."_

_"What pwomise are you talking about?" asked Zuma._

_Marshall turned to Zuma and said, "Eh, nothing. Just something we did when we were younger. Let's get back to shore. I got a fire to put out."_

_"You're still up for mowe? Aren't you tiwed?" asked Zuma._

_"Is the fire still burning?" asked Marshall with a grin. "Then so am I!"_

* * *

Spike looked thoroughly thrilled as he said with a wide smile, "That was _awesome_! And the writing is so good it feels like watching a movie!"

Spike calmed down and said seriously, "And there are plenty more heart-wrenching and heartwarming moments that I can't show you because they'd end up being huge spoilers."

Spike nodded and said, "What else can I say about this amazing writer? All the characters are in character. His stories are packed with emotion. And he's able to make fully detailed and poignant backstories that seem very realistic. But here's the thing about the backstories HavocHound makes."

Spike spread his arms and said, "In every fanfic he writes, he gives the pups different backstories. In one story, Rocky came from an pup orphanage/shelter. In another story, he had an abusive owner who tried to drown him. In one story, Zuma's afraid of blood. In another, he's afraid of. . . toilets . . ."

Spike shrugged and said, "Read _Truth or Dare _for more info."

Spike continued, "Well, anyway, that's why HavocHound is the master of Alternate Universes. Each of his stories takes place in its own universe, independent of each other so that they can work easily without conflicting. He must be really clever to keep all these stories in check. It also kinda makes sense. I mean, a world where the trauma of _Marshall Gone Missing _and _Zuma's Fear _takes place would be too horrible to think of."

"I also have to compliment HavocHound on his OCs. Marshall's parents are really nice and smart, and they play of each other well, especially during the finale of _Marshall Gone Missing. _Chase's father and Ryder's father are also strong supporting characters. And as for the main villain in _Zuma's Fear . . ._"

Spike gulped audibly as he began to sweat a bit. He wiped his brow nervously, and took a few deep breaths as his eyes turned wide.

". . ._Damian Stone. . ." _he whispered in horror. He clenched his claws tightly, then said, "When that character gets killed. . . they'll be much rejoicing. . ."

Spike shook it off and said, "Look, I'm not gonna lie. _Zuma's Fear _is probably a little _too _grim dark. It's not as bad as _Cupckaes _or _Rainbow Factory, _but I really think that if you want a well thought out, serious, and heartwarming take on _PAW Patrol, _you should start with _Marshall Gone Missing!_ This was his very first fanfic, and I loved it so much that I gave it a TV Tropes page! Seriously, look it up! And I have to say, _this _is his best work. It makes good use of flashbacks to only add drama and tension to the story, but also provide us with the story's particular backstories for all the pups, and Ryder too. And it has some good humorous moments to lighten things up. Like this one right here, where Marshall totally schools these dog versions of Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon."

* * *

_"Well, look what we have here. It's our old good pal Skye," said the poodle._

_"You know them, Skye?" asked Marshall, but Skye only kept her head down low._

_"Oh, we know her alright. I'm Tina, and this is Bebe. We used to be best friends. Isn't that right Sky-Cry?" teased the retriever._

_Skye turned away, biting her lip as she remembered that awful nickname. That name which took months to forget. "Leave me alone."_

_"What was that you little cry baby?" asked Tina._

_Growling, Skye screamed, "I said leave me alone! And don't call me that! I'm not a little scardey pup anymore!"_

_The two fashion dogs laughed and shook their heads before turning to Marshall. "Has Skye never tell you how bad she was as a model? How she always posed wrong, or knocked over stage equipment. Let's not forget that time she fell off the stage once, hurt her knee, and cried cried cried."_

_"Only because you pushed me! You always were bullying me around!" shouted Skye, looking ready to rush a them._

_"You can't prove anything," said Bebe, before looking at Skye's clothes and rearing back in disgust. "Ugh, and I see your sense of style has only gotten worse. Look at what you're wearing."_

_"This is my wing gear. I'm a member of Paw Patrol. A rescue pup. I do far more good in the world then you two fuu-fuu's ever do," countered Skye._

_"Oh, please. You in Paw Patrol? I bet you're just their servant or something. There is no way, they would take cry baby like you, Sky-Cry," said Tina._

_Skye was about to say something, but Marshall growled first. "You're wrong! Skye is our friend, and she's one of the best flyers I've ever seen!" Standing in front of her like a knight, he continued, "Skye has saved so many people with her flying skills that we couldn't do half of our rescues without her! She's brave, smart, graceful, talented, and fun to hang out with. A lot less than I could say for you two ugly's. "_

_The insulted dogs gasped and growled. "Watch it, fire boy. We happen to be the top two models of our industry."_

_"Then the industry stinks if it thinks you two are beautiful. Skye has a beautiful spirit, and that's more important than any makeup, dress, or jewelry you wear!" shouted Marshall._

_Marshall… thought Skye, who felt her heart skip. She never had anyone ever stand up to her like that._

_"What are you? Her boyfriend?" asked Bebe._

_"No, but I am her friend. And as her friend, I feel inclined to do this." Marshall smirked before saying. "Arf! Water cannon!"_

_Skye watched as Marshall's water cannon came out of his puppack and sprayed her two bullies with ice cold water. The two screamed in fury and despair as the water ruin their perfect appearances. They ran away, calling for assistance while crying like babies. Skye and Marshall laughed as they saw the whole thing, the former wishing she had a camera to record this and put it online. It would be the perfect revenge against those two for everything they had done to her, but this was enough for now._

_"That was so awesome!" shouted Skye as she rushed over and licked a blushing Marshall. "Thanks for standing up for me."_

_"What are friends for?" replied Marshall, putting his water cannon away. "Let's continue with the patrol, shall we?"_

_"Let's," answered Skye as they continued down the street, an extra skip in her walk._

* * *

"HavocHound is clearly the best writer in the PAW Patrol fanfic community," Spike said, "I wish I could show more examples of his amazing writer, but if I did, I would spoil too much. You need to read his work for yourself. But you really should start with _Marshall Gone missing _first. It's like a character study of all the pups. Marshall might be the focus, but all the character get a moment where we see a glimpse of their past and their thoughts and psyche throughout the crisis. You'll laugh. You'll cry. You'll love it! Even if you're not familiar with the show. And then, if you don't mind a little more violence, blood, brutal murders, and some swearing; then maybe you could give _Zuma's Fear _a try. Although, it seems to be approaching _SAW _levels of violence, but if you're not squeamish, then maybe you can handle it."

Spike scratched his chin, and then held up a claw and said, "Oh yeah! One last thing! HavocHound has something he calls and idea helper. Go there, write a review about a story you have, and he'll help you develop it. Free advice! Cool!"

* * *

_**Author's Note: **The intro song was "Super Smash Mouth Bros." by The Living Tombstone._

* * *

_**(This was a parody of "The Cinema Snob" and "The Nostalgia Critic" on That Guy With The Glasses)**_


	10. Chapter 10

_Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me_  
_I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed_  
_She was looking kind of dumb, with her finger and her thumb_  
_In the shape of an 'L' on her forehead_

* * *

The dragon smoothly slipped into a black tuxedo, thrusting his arms through the sleeves as if he were punching.

* * *

_Well, the years start coming and they don't stop coming_  
_Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running_  
_Didn't make sense, not to live for fun_  
_Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb_

* * *

The dragon tied a bright red bowtie around his neck very neatly.

* * *

_So much to do, so much to see_  
_So what's wrong with taking the back streets_  
_You'll never know if you don't go_  
_You'll never shine if you don't glow_

* * *

The dragon took out a black and gold walking stick and spun it around in his claws. He then put on a big, elegant top hat.

* * *

_Hey now, you're an All Star, get your game on, go play_  
_Hey now, you're a Rock Star, get the show on, get paid_  
_And all that glitters is gold_  
_Only shooting stars break the mold, Only shooting stars break the mold_

_And all that glitters is gold_  
_Only shooting stars break the mold, Only shooting stars break the mold_

* * *

**Spike the Snob**

**Episode 8- Keldeo the Critic's Review of Palace Pets**

Spike sat down in a comfortable looking chair in the Friendship Castle. There were plenty of books around him, and a bowl of gems on a nearby table.

"Hello everypony," Spike said with a smile, "Today's episode is gonna be a special one. Kind of like my reaction to Ryu Taylor the Ferret's review of _Friendship is Magic. _No, I'm not here to get mad at Keldeo. Actually, I'm hear to expand on what Keldeo said about the Palace Pets. Not about the fanfic, but about the source material."

Spike crossed his legs and continued, "So, after I read Keldeo's _Palace Pets_ fanfic review, checked the Palace Pet's page on the Disney Wiki, and I discovered that these characters do, in fact, have their own cartoon series."

Spike nodded, "I dead serious, there really is an actual animated series about these girly gala goo covered pets. I found a link to the show, which is called _Whisker Haven Tales._ Since Keldeo didn't want to talk about the Palace Pets anymore, I realized that it was up to _me_ to say something about it."

Spike leaned to one side nonchalantly and said, "Well, it turns out it's not so much as an animated series as a series of 3 minute shorts. There are 10 of them as of now, but it looks like there's more in production. From what I got from the show's wiki page, the show's intro, and the first episode; the premise of the show is that there's this. . . other dimension . . . parallel universe. . . _place _that exists outside of normal time called Whisker Haven that's inhabited by small animals that can all talk. . ."

Spike looked away in thought and said, "You know, this place is kinda bizarrely named. I mean, most of the animals there don't have whiskers, so what is this? Are felines some kind of master race here? Wha-?"

Spike shook it off and continued, "Well, anyway, this realm is your standard sugar bowl utopia, except for one thing: there are no rulers whatsoever. No kings, no queens, no princes, no princesses. The royal castle is empty and abandoned and there's total anarchy. . ."

Spike grinned and shrugged, "_Wellllll_. . . okay, it was probably a _peaceful_ anarchy, I assume, but still an anarchy. So a hummingbird fairy uses magic to literally _tear holes in time and space_ to create portals throughout the Disney universe. From _Aladdin _to _Pocahontas _to _Tangled _to _T__he_ _Princess and the Frog._"

Spike, with wide eyes, pointed and said, "Okay. To be honest here, that's kinda awesome. It's like the _Heroes of the Storm _or the _Super Smash Bros. _of Disney Junior."

"So the pets of all the Disney princesses discover these portals, which are cleverly disguised as stained glass windows, and use them to enter and leave Whisker Haven as often as they want, using the time logic of _Narnia. . . _or perhaps maybe _Cyberchase. . . _to be able to play, _talk _(of course), and act as the rulers of this realm for as long as they want without ever being missed by their royal owners."

Spike slammed the top of his staff down decisively into the palm of his left claw and said , "Now, first of all, I wanna give a _huge_ thank you to the animators: Ghostbot Studios. The animation in this show is _beautiful. _Sure, it's 2D Flash animation, but it's _good _2D Flash animation! It's colorful, smooth, atmospheric, and flows very well. Another plus is that the character designs were fixed big time. They took the Cutie Marks off of the pets and simplified their accessories."

Spike held up a claw and said, "But wait; an interesting premise, nice animation, and character design that doesn't burn your eyes out is all well and good, but the main thing here is whether or not the plot and the character's personalities in the show as a whole are good."

Spike nodded and said, "Well, in my opinion. . . . I think it's funny."

Spike shifted uncomfortably in his chair and said admittedly, "A _bit_ more girly than _Friendship is Magic_. . . _but, _still very funny."

"Ya see, I can say that I kinda like this show because _actual effort _was put into _the_ most important element of any story: the character's personalities and interactions. A lot of Bronies seem to forget that _My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic _wasn't always as complex, emotional, intelligent, action packed, or full of pop-cultural references as it is now. Season One was actually a lot of talking about _feelings_, something more girly in nature. Only once in a while would action, adventure, or slapstick actually happen. Yes, that stuff was still there in Season One, but more attention was focused on _developing_ the jokes and the characters. Keep in mind also that Season One was written and animated long before Bronies even existed or the existence of Bronies could have possibly been predicited, so it was more phoned in to '_the little girl and their parents'_ demographic. Instead of a violent Changeling beat down that payed homage to the Powerpuff Girls, we had a character building journey through a dark forest with obstacles that would seem more at home in an episode of _Dragon Tales _or _Dora the Explorer."_

Spike grinned and said, "Seriously, we've gone from trees with ugly faces on them to a Dragon Ball Z battle homage with Lord Tirek!"

"Now, as Keldeo said in his review, at first glance the Palace Pets seem to be blatant rip-offs of _Littlest Pet Shop_ pets and _Friendship is Magic._"

Spike nodded thoughtfully and said, "Well, the fact is, there's a difference between ripping-off something and following a common universal character formula that works. Good characters are always going to be similar to other good characters. And, well, now that I've actually seen the characters in an actual animated story, I'd say that this show is not a rip-off, but is just using a formula that works."

"Pumpkin's strong feminine aspects, cleverness, and melodramatic qualities make her a lot like Zoe Trent. Treasure's tomboyish qualities and comedic presence make her a lot like Pepper Clark, as well as a good foil to Pumpkin. Sultan's bravado and often blind self confidence make him similar to Vinnie. Berry's straight-man, or rather straight-rabbit, role is a lot like Russel. Petite is always logical and reading books like Twilight. Even Beauty's - uh, I mean, - _Dreamy's _randomness, one track mind, and tendency to be out of it seem very similar to Minka Mark. . . if Minka liked to sleep a lot."

Spike smiled confidently and said, "_However, __Whisker Haven Tales _actually has a big advantage over _Littlest Pet Shop _because it has pretty much unlimited access to an endless supply of that beloved and potent supernatural, reality warping, Disney magic_._ And _Disney_ magic is a_ whole lot_ stronger, creative, and unrestricted than the magic in Equestria. Therefore, it can go even further with its plots and jokes."

Spike's confident smile quickly turned into a sheepish one, and he said, "Now, the series is still kinda testing the waters. . . That is to say, it has only just barely touched on that potential. They tried doing something like that for episode 7 when they brought some cookies to life, and in episode 9 when we find out that biscuits grow underground like potatoes or gems, then episode 10 has a flying carpet. . . so yeah, that's interesting, but they still haven't _fully_ made the plunge, so to speak. But remember, before _Friendship is Magic _came. . ." Spike shuddered with fear and disgust, "Ugh. . ._Princess Promenade. _So with that in mind, don't be so quick to dismiss _Whisker Haven Tales. _Try seeing what it _could _become. What matters is that the show creates possibilities for the characters' personalities to work off of. And yes, these pets _do _have distinct personalities to them."

"For example, not only does Treasure really like water, but she also has a running trait of occasionally talking like a pirate or a sailor, and _that's_ pretty clever. Certainly more clever than having her make ocean jokes. _I'm talking about you, Dark Santa_."

Spike became serious and said, "But let's get down to the major issue here: that this show is _just for kids_. . . . . . yeah, that can actually be a legitimate point."

"Now as you've probably heard a million times from critics of kids' shows, saying _'it's just for kids' _is not a free pass for a show to be lazy or to talk down to its audience or treat kids like they're stupid. But the fact is that little kids need specially designed shows specailly made for young, developing minds that is really not all that pleasant for anyone not in preschool to sit through. _Whisker Haven Tales _is no exception to that, and when it shows. . ."

Spike winced and made a wry face, "_Holy guacamole_, does it _really_ show. Like they got a bunch of the great writers from _Friendship is Magic, _but then their boss is one of the writers from _Generation 3.5 _of My Little Pony. The generic, sappy friendship and teamwork morals are executed well enough, but they often don't exactly have anything of substance to build off of. There's an episode, for example, called _'Hat's a Wrap' _that deals with self-sacrifice and taking risks for the sake of a friend. Pumpkin wants Treasure to wear this special hat when she starts a specail pony race, but Treasure thinks that everyone will laugh at her if she wears it. There are actually two separate stories going on at once and it looks like they're both going come to an interesting and satisfying climax, but then the B-plot about the pony race just falls to the wayside as Treasure resolves the A-plot herself by making the obvious right choice in order to teach and execute the moral to the kids who are watching. We don't even get to see who won the race!."

Spike frowned, "This is a _shame_ because that episode, as well as the other ones, have both loony _and _clever humor that just hits _bulls' eyes._"

Spike suddenly brightened up and said, "First we get a scene where Treasure rides a_ sailboat on wheels_ into a room and performs an epic crash. Then, later on, there's this scene where Petite is preparing for a race by reading a physics book and reciting the mathematical formula for speed! That actually reminded me of how the Nostalgia Critic said in his _Foodfight! _review that Mr. Clean could have used his PhD in physics to educate the children watching on fluid or solid mechanics instead of being made a pawn in a joke about being bald. Sure, the speed formula was just one quick line, but the point I'm trying to make, and the point the Nostalgia Critic was trying to make with his bit on Mr. Clean, is that a good kids show should show that actual competent, intelligent people are writing it, and that they _don't_ just want to create something soulless and meaningless just to sell toys."

Spike nodded and said, "So, all in all, _Whisker Haven Tales _is a little kids' show that's perfectly harmless in every single way. In terms of quality and enjoyment, you could place it right between _Generation 3 _of My Little Pony and Lauren Faust's _Friendship is Magic. _In fact, I predict that in the same way Lauren Faust saw _Princess Promenade _and decided to make it better, someone in future might look at _Whisker Haven Tales _and then go on to make a masterpiece just as Lauren Faust did. Oh, and to be frank-."

Spike leaned forward in his chair and shouted fiercely, "This show makes Dark Santa's horrible fanfic look _even worse_ in comparison!"

Spike leaned back in his chair, breathed out to clam himself, and said, "Well, seeing as we currently have ten episodes, I'd say there's nothing wrong with counting down the episodes from least good to the best so you can check out the good ones on the disneyjunior YouTube channel."

**#10- TuTu Terrific- **"All the pets are making tutus based on what makes them special, and as Petite helps everyone else with their tutus, she feels that there's nothing special about her. The ending is predictable, with everyone else making a tutu for her, and it's not really particular funny or entertaining."

**#9- The Cookie Boogie!- **"Some of the hummingbird fairy's magic dust gets put on some cat shaped cookies by mistake and brings them to live. Berry and Treasure go through a bit of tame slapstick that's kinda funny, but the meowing of the cookies is kind of annoying and the ending is a little too sugar coated."

**#8- Cake-tillion-** "The pets are having a celebration where everyone jumps into cakes . .. yeah, just go with it. . . but Lily's cart full of cakes has a broken wheel, so the pets need to go help her. Not as stale or annoying as the other ones, but still not anything special."

**#7- Throwing a Ball- **"Pumpkin finds out she's throwing a ball and rallies all the pets to help her. The epic fails of the other characters are funny, it has kind of a Brick Joke that's kinda funny, and the climax is this half brilliant pun based joke that is also kinda funny. So. . . yeah, it's _kinda _funny."

**#6- Welcome to Whisker Haven- **"This is the first episode that introduces Treasure, who seems to kinda be the main character of this series, as well as basically how this entire series works. We don't get that many jokes, but we get to see Treasure being heroic and it actually gets a bit gripping for a moment."

**#5- ****Hat's a Wrap- **"I mentioned this episode earlier. Treasure is chosen as the Royal Derby Starter for the Whisker Haven Derby, and Pumpkin gives Treasure at hat that she feels embarrassed about wearing. We get that very nice moral about taking risks for your friends, and we have the first _Petite is a book pony _moment of the series. It's a nice episode that does a good job in teaching a moral."

**#4- Harvest Haven- **"_Now _things start to get funny. We start with Treasure doing an homage to Scrat from _Ice Age, _then we get an imitation joke, then Berry does something that would make Tom Sawyer proud, and then we move into the plot of Sultan, Treasure, and Petite having a contest to dig up the most biscuits. Petite goes full on _Twilight Sparkle _and is the source of a whole bunch of funny jokes. If you _really _wanna laugh, keep your eyes on Berry's facial expressions."

**#3- A Dreamy Birthday- **"This episode shows off what an awesomely funny comic foil Treasure and Pumpkin are as they try to keep Dreamy's birthday party a surprise. We get a hilarious _sneeze of doom _scene, and the characters in the background are fun to watch during the first attempt at the party. It also has a nice ending too. And plus, I swear that after watching it, you'll be wondering what the hay 'bubbles and baubles' is."

**#2- The Whisker Haven Night Knight Guard- **"Here we have a battle between Treasure the tomboy and Sultan the only male. Luckily, unlike in that horrible fanfic Keldeo reviewed, the cannon Sultan is actually really likable and fun. The two of them are having a contest to see who's the bravest to find out which one of them can become the Night Knight Guard. This is much to Pumpkin's distress, because she seems to be a coward in this episode. The bravery challenges are good for a few laughs, mostly from Pumpkin's reactions. But the best moments come from when Pumpkin ends up turning the tables on her friends. Although the ending is predictable, I have to say that the animation and effects during the climax are actually really cool."

**#1- Flying High Tea- **"This episode is what made Sultan my favorite character. The plot is simple. Sultan wants some of Berry's treats, but needs to join Berry and Petite's tea party in order to have some. This episode makes fun of the whole children's tea party game as well as complicated rules of etiquette. We also have some really awesome moments from Sultan that would make both Indiana Jones _and _Batman jealous. And while it would've been easy for the writers to make Sultan to rough boy who causes the problem, it turns out that not only are the girls the ones who end up causing the problem, but Sultan ends up being the one who solves the problem. He also teaches the lesson that sometimes being uptight with lots of strict rules only makes things difficult and less fun. And of course Petite and comically heavy rule book go together like sapphires and cupcakes."

Spike folded his claws and said with a smile, "Well, that's my opinion on _Whisker Haven Tales._ Check it out, pick a side, and feel free to enjoy it . . . or not. You don't judge me and I won't judge you."

* * *

_**Author's Note: **The intro song was "Super Smash Mouth Bros." by The Living Tombstone._

* * *

_**(This was a parody of "The Cinema Snob" and "The Nostalgia Critic" on That Guy With The Glasses)**_


	11. Chapter 11

The camera turned on, showing a close up of Spike's face.

"Today, on this special episode of Spike the Snob," Spike narrated in an epic announcer's voice, "We see the Legendary Pokemon Keldeo in his natural habitat. . ."

From within the bush, Spike turned the camera to look out at Keldeo the Critic, who was sitting in the shade of a tree, looking at a laptop. He was wearing headphones, and was bopping his head to some music.

"Let's get a closer look, shall we?" Spike said.

Spike stealthily moved from bush to bush, until he was close enough to hear Keldeo singing words with a big smile on his face.

"Watch - out - cause here we come. . . It's been a while, but . . we're back with style, so get - set. . . to have some fun. . . we'll bring you action. . . and answer questions! It's the Munkcast! M-U-N-K-C-A-S-T! It's the Munk-"

Keldeo froze when Spike started chuckling. Keldeo quickly closed his laptop and turned, revealing he had one ear uncovered, and shouted in rage and embarrassment, "SPIIIIIKE!"

"Uh-oh! Yikes!" Spike shouted, as he turned and ran with his camera, and quickly turned it off.

* * *

_Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me_  
_I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed_  
_She was looking kind of dumb, with her finger and her thumb_  
_In the shape of an 'L' on her forehead_

* * *

The dragon smoothly slipped into a black tuxedo, thrusting his arms through the sleeves as if he were punching.

* * *

_Well, the years start coming and they don't stop coming_  
_Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running_  
_Didn't make sense, not to live for fun_  
_Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb_

* * *

The dragon tied a bright red bowtie around his neck very neatly.

* * *

_So much to do, so much to see_  
_So what's wrong with taking the back streets_  
_You'll never know if you don't go_  
_You'll never shine if you don't glow_

* * *

The dragon took out a black and gold walking stick and spun it around in his claws. He then put on a big, elegant top hat.

* * *

_Hey now, you're an All Star, get your game on, go play_  
_Hey now, you're a Rock Star, get the show on, get paid_  
_And all that glitters is gold_  
_Only shooting stars break the mold, Only shooting stars break the mold_

_And all that glitters is gold_  
_Only shooting stars break the mold, Only shooting stars break the mold_

* * *

**Spike the Snob**

**Episode 9- The Munkcast by Munk Media**

Spike sat down in a comfortable looking chair in the Friendship Castle. There were plenty of books around him, and a bowl of gems on a nearby table.

"Hello everypony," Spike said with a smile, "I'm sure you're aware of all the crazy things that have happened in Equestria. Diamond Tiara got reformed, the Cutie Mark Crusaders got their Cutie Marks, Starlight Glimmer took Twilight and me on crazy time traveling adventure. . ."

Spike leaned back and said, "So you probably expect me to talk about it, right? Well, look, why should _I _talk about my own show when there's already, like, a hundred Brony Analysts on YouTube doing it for me? I want to talk about _different _things. Sure, my life_ is_ pretty interesting, and I _am_ pretty awesome. . ."

Spike stood up and started flexing his muscles.

"Looking good, Spike. Looking _reeeaaaaal_ good. . ."

Spike smiled sheepishly, then sat back down and said, "_But, _this isn't a Brony Analyst show. This is a show about authors, critics, and stuff like that. So, just file away your excitement over the Season 5 finale and focus on a little franchise known as _Alvin and the Chipmunks._"

"It's amazing, isn't it? A guy speeds up his voice to make it sound funny, and from that we get an animated series, several animated movies, three live action movies with a fourth one on the way, and a new CGI series currently airing on Nickelodeon. But I suppose it did help that he was able to create 6 really fun characters for those voices."

Spike held up a claw and said, "Now, before we continue, can I just take a moment to say that the CGI cartoon on Nickelodeon is AWESOME! It really feels as though they recaptured the fun of the 80's cartoon and added enough modern day aspects to make it current and relate-able, but not dated and lame. I also love how they didn't just make the Chipettes female version of the Chipmunks. Brittany is a little nicer and more clever than Alvin, she's also way more likeable than her 80's version. Eleanor is more athletic and impatient than Theodore. And Jeanette's more of a shy, plant and animal loving environmentalist instead of just an absentminded genius. Heh, she's kinda like Fluttershy, now that I think about it."

Spike nodded and said, "Okay, now to get into the main focus of this episode. It turns out that the Chipmunks have quite the fanbase. It's actually quite comparable to the Bronies, believe it or not. And nothing shows it more than the long running, very successful YouTube series by Munk Media known as the Munkcast."

"_'What is the Munkcast?'_, you may be wondering. Well, as the title suggests, it's a podcast about the Chipmunks. But what makes it special is that the show is actually hosted by the Chipmunks and the Chipettes. _'__How can this be?' _you may be asking."

Spike leaned back in his chair and said, "Well, let's be real here, it's not that hard to make a your voice sound like a Chipmunk. You can do it with Audacity in 10 seconds. But how the Chipmunks are shown is. . . interesting."

"Okay, so the Munkcast has actually been running for 8 seasons. Yeah, EIGHT SEASONS! EIGHT FULL SEASONS! And this series started in _**2011**_! Wow, talk about a loyal fanbase! Well, anyway, during all that time, the Munkcast has gone through three main periods. For the first few seasons, they used plush dolls of the Chipmunks and moved them and filmed them in such a way so that it looked like they were talking and moving on their own. I gotta say, the camera work there is pretty good. I gotta hand it to them."

Spike gave a nervous smile, "But then, things took a really. . . creepy turn. . ."

"You see, what Munk Media started to do was take still images of the CGI Chipmunks from the live action movies and animated their lips to make it look like they were talking. And I speak for everyone when I say that it was the weirdest, creepiest thing ever. Those soulless, motionless eyes, those weird lips, just the way they just stood there- ugggh! Even the creators admitted it was weird and apologized for it. Even the Chipmunks and Chipettes say it was weird multiple times during the show!"

Spike breathed a sigh of relief and said, "Luckily, things took a turn for the better in Season 8, where the format changed again to 2D cartoons of the Chipmunks based on their designs from the CGI Nickelodeon show. Another reason to like the new series!"

"Okay, so what exactly happens on an episode of the Munkcast? Well, we usually get a little interaction between the Chipmunks. Either Simon and Jeanette being nervous around each other or Alvin and Brittany arguing. Then we get some franchise related news from the human cast. Then we might get an audio drama or maybe even a short film featuring the plushies. And then it ends with what just might be the best part of the show, the Chipmunks answering questions submitted by the fans. And, okay, we all know the answers aren't exactly _cannon, _but you gotta admit that's it fun to see fans get their questions answered from such beloved characters, who really _are _portrayed in character."

"Munk Media also has other Vlogs, some videos of the Chipmunks as Let's Players, and they just recently started a Podcast featuring Brittany."

Spike sighed and shook his head sadly. "Why couldn't it have been Jeanette."

Spike perked up and said, "Well, it looks Alvin and the Chipmunks are joining the club of fandoms that will never die, along with Pokemon and My Little Pony. I highly recommend the Munkcast, even the creepily animated one. Just put it in another tab or listen to it without looking at it. Also, join The Munkcast Forum website, and maybe your questions, art, and even short stories could get featured on the show."

Spike's smiled grew and he said, "Oh yeah, and if you're wondering what ended up happening between me and Keldeo, weeeellll, me and Keldeo had a little chat, and. . . weeeellll, let's just say you're in for a special treat during the next episode of _Keldeo the Critic_."

Spike winked and said, "And so, as Alvin says, '_Keep on Munkin'!'"_

* * *

_**Author's Note: **The intro song was "Super Smash Mouth Bros." by The Living Tombstone._

* * *

_**(This was a parody of "The Cinema Snob" and "The Nostalgia Critic" on That Guy With The Glasses)**_


	12. Chapter 12

_Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me_  
_I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed_  
_She was looking kind of dumb, with her finger and her thumb_  
_In the shape of an 'L' on her forehead_

* * *

The dragon smoothly slipped into a black tuxedo, thrusting his arms through the sleeves as if he were punching.

* * *

_Well, the years start coming and they don't stop coming_  
_Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running_  
_Didn't make sense, not to live for fun_  
_Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb_

* * *

The dragon tied a bright red bowtie around his neck very neatly.

* * *

_So much to do, so much to see_  
_So what's wrong with taking the back streets_  
_You'll never know if you don't go_  
_You'll never shine if you don't glow_

* * *

The dragon took out a black and gold walking stick and spun it around in his claws. He then put on a big, elegant top hat.

* * *

_Hey now, you're an All Star, get your game on, go play_  
_Hey now, you're a Rock Star, get the show on, get paid_  
_And all that glitters is gold_  
_Only shooting stars break the mold, Only shooting stars break the mold_

_And all that glitters is gold_  
_Only shooting stars break the mold, Only shooting stars break the mold_

* * *

**Spike the Snob**

**Episode 10: Why I Won't See Alvin and the Chipmunks 4: The Road Chip**

Spike sat down in a comfortable looking chair in the Friendship Castle. There were plenty of books around him, and a bowl of gems on a nearby table.

"Hello everypony," Spike said with a frown, "Seeing as I've already started talking about Alvin and the Chipmunks with the previous chapter, I figured that I might as well follow it up with a little public service announcement. You see, I'm sure you're all aware of the fourth live action/CGI Alvin and the Chipmunks movie. There have been plenty of trailers and commercials for _The Road Chip. _Now, I feel the need to give you _my _opinion, my _guidance, _in whether to see it or not."

Spike sighed and said, "Look, I know I'm not a princess or anything, but ever since I started this show, I feel that people are starting to take what I say a little more seriously. I'm not looking for perks or pats on the back." Spike pouted and folded his claws, "I just want you to hear what I have to say, and maybe take my advice, just this once. _Please_?"

Spike held a pitiful look on his face, then dropped it and took a deep breath.

"Alright, so, I'm just gonna give you my reasons one after another. No particular order. Just my chain of thoughts about this. . . movie that 20th Century Fox is planning to release on December 18th."

"Okay, first of all, we already have 3 movies that are tolerable at _best _and _terrible _at worst. I'm sorry, but I refuse to believe that anyone was _seriously _asking for a fourth movie. The first three movies weren't very good. The plots were so flat and predictable, and when they weren't predicable, they were kinda lame. The hidden treasure, volcanic eruption plot twist in the third movie wasn't clever, and just felt kinda random. Fox already has three strikes, they should be out. They just shouldn't be able to make a fourth movie. Unless this is an attempt at making up for their mistakes. Sure, the movies _did _improve after the first one. They didn't have Alvin and Simon eating. . ."

Spike looked uneasy, and he held his stomach as if he were about to be sick.

"Ugh. . . well, yeah. Moving on."

Spike recovered, and continued, "Well, as for what we've seen in the trailers for the _Road_ _Chip_, I kinda doubt that this movie really improves or makes up for anything. First of all, it was the Chipettes that salvaged that second and third movies, and they're _barely _in the trailers. Sure, they're there, but in terms of the movie, let me set it up for you: the Chipettes are not at the house, and they're not in the car or in the plane with the Chipmunks. My best guess is that the Chipmunks run into them at a concert a little more than halfway through the movie. Sure, I'm estimating, but that's what the theatrical trailers make it look like!"

"Now, how about we talk about the jokes. Specifically, how lazy and old they are! I mean, what have we got? A poop joke and a Matrix joke." Spike stroked his chin and said in a voice filled with sarcasm, "Gee. Didn't they have those jokes in the _first _movie? It's almost like these writers are either so lazy or so out of ideas that they're _recycling jokes. _But that just _couldn't _be!"

"And let's not forget all the innocence-destroying jokes and references Theodore is being put through. Why can't he just be the cute one who likes to eat? If you _have_ to add dirty jokes, why can't you give Alvin all the innuendos and leave Theodore alone! Isn't Theodore supposed to be the Morality Pet? But I suppose that ship sailed when he referenced pole dancing in the second movie."

Spike then gave a serious frown and said, "And last, but not last, there's one small little thing that's actually kind of a big deal. Maybe I'm overreacting to it, so I guess I'll just let you be the judge. There's a certain. . . joke or plot point. . . in the trailer. . . that I _really _don't like. You probably know what it is, but let me just explain it just so were're all clear about it. So, the Chipmunks are going across the country to get to Dave to stop him from proposing to someone. During all this, they get a guy named Agent Suggs mad at them, and he turns into _Inspector Javert_ and pursues them. And after an incident where they let out a bunch of animals on a plane, the Chipmunks are put. . . on the No fly List. . ."

Spike facepalmed long and slow with both claws. Then he put his claws down and said, "I know, it's played for laughs but. . . _should_ it be played for laughs? When you people hear of the No Fly List, isn't _terrorism _the first thing you think of? I mean, the No Fly List was _created _by the Terrorist Screening Center! This isn't something you should be able to joke about! Who the hay thought that it would be a good idea to write that into the script, let alone include it in the trailer? You'd think the higher ups would be like _'hmmm, maybe we should cut that scene out of the movie.'_ "

Spike grabbed some gems out of the bowl beside him and chomped on them noisily. After about of minute of chomping, he swallowed and continued, "I mean, I just can't believe it, it feels like a really bad Nostalgia Critic joke. Like, he's reviewing the movie, the Chipmunks let all the animals loose and Agent Suggs swears revenge, and then the Critic says _'well, it looks the No Fly List has three new names on it,' _and then it cuts to fake No Fly List with their pictures on it. But nope, this is actually in the movie, and I am so angry! I'm not gonna see it just out of principal! And even if it didn't have a _terrorism _joke in it, I still wouldn't watch it because the jokes are lazy and rude, Theodore's character is deader than dead, the Chipettes just have cameos, and I just don't trust Fox with these characters anymore. So if you wan't my advice, just go to KissCartoon and marathon episodes of the new Nickelodeon CGI series _Alvinnn! and the Chipmunks. _It'll be a much better experience than that stupid _Road Chip._"

Spike got up from his chair and walked away, shaking his head and saying, "A terrorism joke? _Really?_"

* * *

_**Author's Note: **The intro song was "Super Smash Mouth Bros." by The Living Tombstone._

* * *

_**(This was a parody of "The Cinema Snob" and "The Nostalgia Critic" on That Guy With The Glasses)**_


End file.
